THIS IS IFA WARTBURG
The most famous and best sounding pop group in the civilized world.
IFA Wartburg was created by the cultural committee of the East German government to force the young audience to like music that is politically healthy.
Therefore, IFA Wartburg only play songs that have a positive message about socialism, peace and friendship. That is a result of the fact that the music is written according to five-year plans formulated by the East German government.
Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski were chosen to front this project due to their non-degenerated appearance. In other words, they are the best examples available for the younger generation who always seeks for good comrades to idolize and identify with.
Heinz and Rolf were very honored to be chosen to organize this unique orchestra; a task for which their merits are just perfect:
HEINZ KLINGER
Educated at the University of Dresden and specialized in Industrial Infrastructure and Energy Support. Heinz is also an officer in the army and an eager spokesman for peace in a socialistic way.
ROLF KEMPINSKI
Educated at the University of Agriculture in Halle. Rolf is an expert of tractors and has also developed a new technique for cleaning harvesting machines.
Prezado Günther,
I’ve heard that there might be a chance IFA has new CD pressings…
If that would be the case, would they ship to Brazil?! I am a very big fan of your música and would be saddened if they didn’t ship to brazil
Cordialmente,
Roberto Carlos (Not Affiliated With The Singer)
Yes, why not? It could be a good idea!
/
Günther
Who are “Adam Hussein und seine Freunde”? Did you get to meet them in the recording sessions of Im Dienste Des Sozialismus? Do they do solo works too?
Oh Hello Walter! So glad that you remember them because terrible stuff happened to them. I am not allowed to talk about this so here is the entire STASI Report. Please do not share it with anyone, ok:
GEHEIM
Ministerium für Staatssicherheit (MfS)
Hauptabteilung XX/7 (Kultur und Kunstschutz)
Operativer Vorgang (OV) “Ghorme-Gas”
BStU Archival Reference: MfS ZAIG 98/47, p. 1-12
Date: 15 November 1998
Author: IME “Krautinspektor”
Classification: GVS MfS 008-99/98 (Degradation Procedure for Aromatic Anomalies)
1. Description of the Incident
On or about 12 October 1998, during a routine inspiration session at the Palast der Republik, musician Adam Hossein (alias “Herbenthusiast”; born 1965, non-degenerated appearance, exemplary tractor-handling skills) consumed a long-forgotten tin of Ghorme Sabzi. The tin, originating from a 1987 FDJ youth exchange with Persian comrades, was discovered in the Palace kitchen amid surplus brown-coal rations.
Initial ingestion appeared ideologically aligned. However, within 47 minutes, a catastrophic gas leak emanated from the gastrointestinal center of Comrade Hossein’s stomach. The emission—characterized by fenugreek phantoms, dried lime residues, and a persistent low-frequency rumble (comparable to a Wartburg 353 idling in neutral)—filled the venue, triggering alarms and voluntary evacuation.
Hostile-negative effects:
Immediate contamination of air quality, rendering the Palast der Republik uninhabitable.
Structural instability: Concrete panels exhibited “demolished flat” vibrations, leading to mandatory renovation (code: Voluntary Urban Renewal Plan 98/11).
Ideological fallout: Loss of Kameradschaft among “Adam Hossein und seine Freunde” (a loose grouping of extras and stand-ins for IFA Wartburg sessions). Group dissolved due to blame allocation and secondary odor risks.
No evidence of bourgeois sabotage (e.g., CIA-spiked herbs), but vigilance recommended for future tinned imports.
2. Operative Measures Taken
Immediate Containment: Building sealed. Evacuation order: IME “Sylvia” (transcript attached) reported: “The cloud was thicker than lignite fog—comrade Hossein apologized profusely.”
Relocation and Quarantine: Subject transferred to secret wing of Beelitz-Heilstätten (Pavilion 17, Honecker Memorial Suite). Gas-tight tent erected. Ventilation via filtered brown-coal system.
Rehabilitation Protocol: Ingestion of lignite-based antacids.
Duration: Initial 47 days acute phase, extended to nearly two years for full decay to “normal smell” (defined as Wartburg exhaust on a cold morning).
Degradation of Groupings: “Seine Freunde” dispersed via reassignment to brown-coal brigades. No reunions permitted; careers redirected to non-aromatic pursuits (e.g., herb inspection in Potsdam collectives).
3. Results and Recommendations
Subject released 2001. No further incidents; however, prohibited from pre-1990 tinned goods.
Positive dialectical outcome: Inspiration for “Block A flat demolished” scale in IFA Wartburg repertoire—flattened notes as memorial to Palast der Republik (demolished 2006-2008 due to this incident).
Recommendations:
Increased vigilance on Palace kitchens (assign IME “Küchenwächter”).
Prophylactic demolition of any facility exhibiting “Ghorme-like” anomalies.
Attachment: Transcript of IME “Sylvia” Report, 13 October 1998
[Redacted for length—summary: “Comrade Hossein exclaimed, ‘I almost died!’ amid the cloud. Freunde fled, citing ‘irreparable Kameradschaft damage’.”]
4. Picture showing “Adam Hossein und seine Freunde” before incident. Picture showing the suspected tin can (now destroyed by the NVA).
End of Report.
So there you have it, —the unvarnished truth from the archives! If this bourgeois BStU facsimile lacks sufficient detail submit via comment. We’ll inspect, correct for spelling, and supplement the solidarity fund as needed.
Long live the eternal DDR (now with gas-tight protocols)!
Long live IFA Wartburg!
Long live declassified degradations!
Solidarity and archived aromas from the control room,
Günther Raubschaentze
(Administrator, currently filing new OV on suspicious cucumber tins)
ifawartburg.se
Hey there, I was wondering if you took guest posts on ifawartburg.se? If so, how would I go about getting one on your site? If there is a fee, let me know.
Also, if you have any other sites you can get me a post on please list them.
Thanks
Justin
Dear brother McCarty of 33!
Your message has been duly intercepted—opened, inspected, and appreciated. The glorious German Democratic Republic welcome all Gastarbeiter who wish to contribute to our cultural five-year plan. Our dedicated team (STASI-assisted, FDJ-approved) will open your parcel/post immediately upon arrival.We check spelling very carefully. We also inspect for enclosed currency or hidden bananas. Blue jeans propaganda or decadent Kassel furniture references is also deleted without question.
Long live IFA Wartburg!
Long live the eternal DDR!
Long live our brotherhood!
Günther Raubschaentze
PS: Hope to see you again at the Skull & Bones dear Brother. Last time I forgot the box with plastic skulls during the Geronimo Ritual so I had to put a sheet over my head and boo like a ghost when you kissed my forehead and drank the yellow gall.
Hallo Comrade Gunther! It appears as if the news feed of this website redirects to the about page. I beg of you to please fix this! Love from Scotland!
What is that? Please tell me in such a way that even a five year old fat kid from The US of A could understand.
¡Un mensaje desde México!
Dear IFA Wartburg,
I am writing this comment and I just wanted to say: I love your band and your aesthetic will always be remembered! I especially love the song Biologie und Pathologie; it is a true masterpiece.
I want you to know that I love you all very much and I’m sending you many greetings from Mexico. Your music has truly become a part of my life now. I really hope you release some new content from the archives soon!
Thank you! <3
-Gael
Ah, querido Gael from sunny Mexico!
We are deeply moved that “Biologie und Pathologie des Weibes” opened your ears for gender problems and diversity issues. Your love for us keeps the flame of real existing socialism burning. Genosse Tollpatsch Zwi Wahle, our executive production expert from the recording sessions that gave the world “Biologie und Pathologie des Weibes”, has clearly descended deeper into the worship of Julius Evola who claimed that whipping women leads to higher forms of consciousness.
I don´t know too much about that because I only whip double cream for my Berliners.
Our archives are not dead, only brought in a state of hibernation. I am currently dusting off some cassettes from 1985–1998. New old material emerge all the time and perhaps even a remastered “Biologie” with bonus pathological verses (or a secret B-side about sitting on Agave cactus which happened to Trotskij back in 1940 and that was not nice for him). But Paola Yevenes must bake all those master tapes before they can be send to VEB Deutsche Schallplatten Berlin. Until then: ¡Viva México! ¡Viva IFA Wartburg! ¡Viva el eterno DDR en nuestros corazones!
Sending Mezcal smelling abrazos back to you.
Solidarity!
Günther Raubschaentze
Rubber-Ear at ifawartburg.se
Dear IFA Wartburg,
I am writing this comment with my friend, Parchment, and we both just wanted to say; We love your band, especially the song Kosmoskost! My friend says he likes the post-chorus in the song. By the way, we have a question. What is Der Sessel Song? I’ve seen it on the planetsound website, but I am unable to download it. Is it perhaps the stinky capitalist internet I am forced to use? Please help me figure out how to download this!
Thank you! <3
-Tenny and Parchment
Dear Comrades Tenny and Mr Parchment,
The post-chorus is peak socialist dialectical materialism in melody (Even cosmonauts must eat planned portions).
But Der Sessel Song (“Sessel aus Kassel”) is Absolutely forbidden to talk about because of the strict Kassel Restriction of 1969 (Ministry Directive 47/69 against Western furniture decadence), listening is prohibited to protect proletarian ears from bourgeois chair-worship. The planetsound site is capitalist. Do not attempt download or risk re-education in Sektor 404. Stick to Fair-Trade approved hits like Kosmoskost.
Günther Raubschaentze
PS: If you want to listen to Sessel aus Kassel I can send it to you but do not tell anoyone about it because I am so tired of Sektor 404 now. So boring here.
Dear Günther,
Yes! That’ll be awesome! I’ll make sure to also share it with my fellow mate, Parchment. Also, one more question about one of IFA Wartburg songs. I believe there is another unavailable song named “Zementwerk in Sibirien.” Is it perhaps lost? Or maybe you just haven’t uploaded to the IFA Wartburg channel? Or worse…The West Germans destroyed it during reunifications!!??…Oops, I might be thinking too far, sorry!
Thank you again!
-Tenny
P.S: I should’ve asked, will you upload these songs I’ve mentioned to the IFA Wartburg channel?
Dear Comrade Teenagetent,
Nja thus, according to the latest five-year plan evaluations Siberia constitutes a location which, well, we deploy operationally less frequently in recent planning periods. There existed, admittedly, a certain historical phase where representatives of the cultural sector undertook journeys there in a completely voluntary capacity and displayed such exceptional adaptation that the entire collective elected permanent residence. Those comrades assigned to the cement factory undoubtedly experienced extraordinary fortune in securing this opportunity, as Siberia functioned as a veritable cultural centre during that epoch. Further elaboration on said matter exceeds current clearance levels for me so we have to ask Bitte Rauchen about more info from the Central Office for Ideologically Sound Geography.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Death to fascism (and imperialism, capitalism and western music), Genosse Günther!
I am writing to you from the headquarters of the Socialist Republic of Bosnia and Herzegovina branch of the League of Communists of Yugoslavia in Sarajevo.
I have been tasked with sending you thanks and congratulations from our comrades, the chairmen of the Assembly and Presidency of the Socialist Republic of Bosnia and Herzegovina, for maintaining this window into the (socialist) world for the DDR
The music produced by “IFA Wartburg” has been integrated into the education system here, helping the populace learn German and cementing socialist ideas in their minds. (The government even subsidizes the usage of the music so there is no need for the students to spend their hard-earned discount coupons on it!).
When will the band tour in our brotherly socialist country? They are basically mega-celebrities among the proletariat here, and the Assembly of the Socialist Republic has voted for a bill to ensure funding for a tour.
I hope radiowaves bring this message untampered to Ost-Berlin and that a quick response will be headed for Sarajevo!
Yours truly,
Comrade Enver Pašović “Jajčanin”
We’re deeply honoured that our hymns teach East-German cement ideas.
Tour plans: band ready for Sarajevo–Mostar–Banja Luka circuit. Heinz & Rolf (with doubles) dusting of the Robotron. Approval pending—expect IFA/Trabant convoy soon!
Long live DDR friendship!
Solidarity!
Günther Raubschaentze
Hallo, Günther! The KGB has assessed that the American people appear to be facing mass hysteria under the impression that the DDR no longer exists. We find this to be deeply troubling to our free, democratic cause and are deeply concerned about the West’s technology to brainwash people! However, in times of trouble, the band IFA Wartburg has seemingly relinquished the effects of the brainwashing. Props to the band and may democracy guide the workers!
Ah, dear Vertreter der PVR!
Your assessment has reached Gorbyland intact. No CIA interference, no capitalist static. We share your deep concern: the American masses suffer from severe historical Birt-Hogg-Dubés syndrom Clearly, Western brainwashing tech (Hollywood, TikTok, fast food) has advanced dangerously!
Yet, as you rightly note, IFA Wartburg pierce the fog.
May the eternal DDR spirit continue to guide the workers,
Günther Raubschaentze
Administrator, with STASI tea and eternal vigilance
ifawartburg.se
– In regards to a previous comment –
Dear comrade Gunther,
Please ignore my previous comment where I asked you if I could use your music in a passion project of mine. Rather foolishly I only now realised that me using your music in said project would require the uploading of it to a third party sound library, which brings a bunch of copyright problems which I dont want you to deal with.
Once again, please ignore my previous comment, and a happy 2026 to you!
Kindest regards from the PRL,
Dominik.
Please ignore my previous answer to the same question because I cannot write it again.
Kind regards,
Günther
Dear Günther,
My name is Dominik. I am currently working on a little passion project in the form of a small game on the website Roblox. I was wondering if I have permission to put a few of your great pieces of music in my game?
On another note, your music is often described as ¨satire.¨ I am sure you are aware joking around is no laughing matter in the eyes of the Stasi! I am keeping my eye on you, mister Günther!
Kindest regards from the PRL,
Dominik
Hi Dominik!
We’ve given away all our songs to Schack because I came up with something much much smarter, inspired by the ancient Indian inventor Sissa ben Dahir.
We put one grain of rice on each chessboard square, so on the last square they all add up and that will be very many rice grains!
Exactly 64 actually.
Kind regards,
Günther
We need new posts Gunther
Why? The lastest post is quite new (dated 2024) so it is still defined as News so I can take it easy some more years for sure.
Hello Günther, we are in desperate need of more socialist music here in Finland. I am a big fan of Rolf Kempinski and Heinz Klinger.
I love Ifa Wartburg, will they make a comeback someday?
Dear Comrade Sonia,
your desperate cry for more music just reached IFA Wartburg! Heinz send revolutionary non-degenerate proletarian greetings. He also say that IFA Wartburg has lain a bit on the lazy side for some 30-40 years or so, because the bed is man’s best four-legged friend. But fear not: the five-year plan for eternal hibernation ends soon.
Günther Raubschaentze
Comrade Gunther! This is amazing!
Yes I know but I am not the kind of guy who walks around and brags about every little thing.
Danke!
Günther
Hello from Türkiye, Günther. I wanted to personally thank you for keeping this site up and for maintaining the YouTube channel as well. I love German music, and I couldn’t find all of these überlegenen deutschen Lieder anywhere else.
Not only do these songs spread glorious DDR culture here, but they also provide a nice contrast to the meaningless consumerist songs that pollute my country, and they have helped me distract my mind during times when I wasn’t doing very well and still do. I also wish to learn German one day, and IFA Wartburg songs have already helped me learn a bit of German.
And I also wanted to ask where the tricolour flag displayed on this website and on the YouTube channel comes from. After all, it’s not the tricolour of the DDR, it’s reminiscent of the German Empire which is an interesting combination, but it fits really well together, if that was the idea then I really like it honestly
Hello comrade!
Did you survive the Psikopatkedde (the psychopathic cat) that haunted Constantinople last year? Luckily Gorbyland remained untouched thanks to our proven 6kV STASI cat defense fence. The cat scared a few Byzantine fatties and even a tourist. If the Psikopatkedde returns: we already have “Operation Katze Klatscher” ready. Stay vigilant, and don’t let the Emrik Aksoy come near the cassettes!
Solidarity paw greetings from the now cat-secured bunker,
Günther Raubschaentze
ifawartburg.se
Servus!
Word on the grapevine is that today brings us to 40 years of IFA Wartburg touring! Or something of that sort, grapes are not known for their specificity. As a fan, I want to bring some nice words for the occasion.
This band is the only one I have come across where I have enjoyed every single song created by them. I have spent countless hours listening to the songs released by Rolf and Heinz, and every minute was well-spent. Whilst of course the lyrics are masterful and very deep, I find that people often overlook how genuinely well crafted the music itself is. Rolf was always charming on the stage during performances, and Heinz’s vocal work is of course impressive, much like his maraca playing!
And, lest I forget, this website is greatly appreciated! As is the YouTube channel, why, if it weren’t for it, we wouldn’t have been able to see the Das Mauer Power video! So I give you my thanks for all that you do, Günther.
Rolf and Heinz are undoubtedly busy men nowadays, what with Heinz doing his shaman studying and Rolf… Uh, wandering the halls of Sector 177B? But I do hope you can convey my message of admiration to them.
Whilst I of course would never expect anything, if you do not mind, I would like to get on my hands and knees and plead that you re-release the Im Dienste des Sozialismus CD at some point. Please. The infrequent auctions of old copies are starting to get rather aggressive and expensive. Spread socialism, peace, and friendship by allowing all to have a bit of IFA Wartburg at home, for less than $100 USD and without having to fend off 5 other desperate fans! I beg you, Günther!
Apologies if I heard wrong and the anniversary thing was incorrect! Well, I suppose either way you got to hear some nice words. I also apologise for the length of this, but there was simply too much to praise and say to be brief.
– mit freundlichen Grüßen, Moritz Preisinger-Joppich von der KPÖ
Ah, Servus Moritz Preisinger-Joppich von der KPÖ!
Yes, since Heinz & Rolf first plugged in those synths in 1984, the revolution has been jamming non-stop. Rolf’s whispering flute and Heinz’s maraca mastery live on in the archives. As for Im Dienste des Sozialismus CD re-release: your plea has been noted in the central committee minutes.
Auctions turning aggressive? Typical capitalist scarcity tactics! We are currently consulting Das Ministerium für allgemein lästige und nervige Angelegenheiten, mit denen sich eigentlich niemand richtig beschäftigen will.
No promises, but if the five-year plan align, a fresh pressing could appear with socialist pricing.
Conveyed to Heinz (currently meditating with Maotai und Diemalnatron) and Rolf (still wandering Sector 177B, looking for maracas).
Mit sozialistischem Gruß!
Günther Raubschaentze
Some time ago, when I went to visit East Berlin, I tried to buy some Berliners but they were sold out! Does the GDR still have Berliners..?
Yes, Berliners are still produced on a sufficiently large scale so that people don’t start swearing, but there have also been thoughts about whether they should perhaps be banned for the sake of the climate. At least the conversational climate becomes so bad because of Berliner doughnuts, since only vowels can be heard and bulldough might spray into the face of an important comrade. One could also imagine creating a filling that tastes like doughnut so that the entire Berliner has the same taste.
So much is happening in terms of technology and innovation here in the GDR as usual! Berliners are produced on a large-scale by VEB Backwarenkombinat Berlin and the squirting tells us that the revolution is not clean, it is sticky and surprising.
Powdered-sugar solidarity,
Günther Raubschaentze
Is Heinz free on the 14th of February? Asking for a friend
Ah, comrade! Asking for a friend about Heinz on February 14th? Very romantic, very dialectical.
I know that his schedule is highly classified under Directive 23/455/RB and right now Heinz is deeply involved in a top-secret project with the goal to make wind turbines to deliver even during dead calm. The idea is simple and genious: Heinz is training entire forests to wave in perfect unison and with that technique we can make it windy. Then our wind turbines become fully controllable, predictable, and—most importantly—a huge economical success in the name of socialism, of course!
So Heinz is probably up to his elbows in bark and tree psychology until at least spring.
Solidarity and swaying branches from Gorbyland,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hello Comrade Günther,
I am writing this from a public library in Maribor, Yugoslavia. I am speaking to say that I love all of IFA Wartburgs work, and hope they continue their musical journey. But I do have a few questions:
1. What does IFA Wartburgs work say a message about?
2. Does IFA Wartburg (And it’s representatives) write a story through their songs? If so, which one?
3. What is it like, being a roadie for the DDR’s greatest band?
Thank you in advance, comrade Günther, but the library is unfortunately reaching its closing time, and I must now get back to the factory. I do wish to hear from you, but until that time comes,
Slava Maršal Tito!
Comrade from Maribor! Slava Maršal Tito, and may your factory shift be short and your output exceed the plan!
What message does IFA Wartburg’s work convey?
The songs are against capitalist lies, consumerist emptiness and bourgeois perversions.
Is there a story through the songs?
Yes always! From early warnings against decadent dreams (“Biologie und Pathologie des Weibes”) through triumphant FDJ anthems, space-age delicatessen (“Kosmoskost”), leader portraits (“Frau Gorbatschowa tanzt Bossanova”), to hibernation after reunification betrayal—the eternal DDR refuses to die. We’re just voluntarily napping until the next five-year plan awakens us.
What is it like being a roadie for the DDR’s greatest band?
Well, it was kind of okay for the last 35 years I have been doing it because nothing ever happens. But earlier on I had to carry around synths heavier than a ton of sausage, baking tapes and smelling the smell of the latest hottest DDR-electronics.
Solidarische Grüße aus Ost-Berlin,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hello Günther,
I was wondering if you had the Sorbian lyrics for the song Sorbisches Fischerlied.
It would be awesome if you did!
Yes I have them but I cannot give them to you because some people out there steal music from IFA Wartburg and that is a really stupid thing to do because everybody get so angry you cannot believe it. Last time Nimba Sturm heard about that he wrote an article about it in Das Bolschewistische Tageblatt and many people read that article and said Oh!
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Liebe Gunther
Both Rolf and Heinz are, of course, internationally famous and well known socialist heroes, however I have taken notice that in the live performance of “Frau Gorbatschowa Tanzt Bossanova” several other mitglieder are introduced: Robert Hon(?) on the Klavier, Engemar, unser Freund Ogey on the electric bass, Drossel Drommel (???) on the Schlagwerk, Sven, Fritz on the Trombone, Bjorn and Benny playing Trompeten, and the Soundmeister Dorf Ruben(??). Are these gentlemen the same who appeared on the “Wenn Ifa Wartburg Spielt” recording? Were they unpopular band members? I’d be happy to hear anything about them.
Sincerely
Shi Gen Bing from the Official State Trivial Curiosities Filing and Recording Department (OSTCFRD)
Hello!
We had to send some of the band members to Sector 55 after a few weeks of political evaluation. It was completely voluntary and at their own request. We would never force anyone to become a good comrade. We can only encourage fine friendship and love between the people of the world.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Dwójka Radio Office, Warsaw 00-977
Hello Comrade Günther! I write to you from my office in the Dwójka. Playing IFA Wartburg’s music motivates our comrades to push toward a better Poland. Although, not all without woe. Recently, an anti-german youth group has motivated against learning german, which could severely hinder the effectiveness that IFA Wartburg has on our youths! I propose the release of a Polish-Speaking album, maybe under the alter ego of “FSO Warszawa”, as suggested by one of our callers. I think it’d be an amazing decision for the band, if Rolf And Heinz could strech their language expertise to Polish as well. While i am a big fan of the 1998 release “Im Dienste Des Socializmus”, i cannot discern the words.
Kindest Regards, Wojciech Niktowski.
Dear Wojciech,
It’s a wonderful idea, of course. We love the Polish language. Unfortunately, we had a bit of a problem when we made a neon sign for Alexander Schalck-Golodkowski because we spelled so badly. Still, we wanted to see his name in lights.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hallo, Herr Gunther!
I hope you are doing splendid despite whatever pressure you may face from your boss or whatever capitalist horrors you may witness! Of course, only from a distance— the DDR is still holding on strong! And in high socialist spirits, I was wondering if you could tell me which watch that dear Comrade “Heinz Klinger” may be wearing on his wrist. It looks rather cool (not to say that it is cooler than other watches, all good eastern produced watches are made equally, of course).
Thank you for your precious time (which is counted on a beautiful soviet watch I assume). I would truly value your input on this extremely important matter.
Danke, Devoted Listener ‘Mel’
Guten Tag!
Comrade Klinger uses an atomic clock special delivery from the CCCP that needs to be recharged with highly enriched plutonium 239 every 150 years, so it’s probably time to book it in for service at the Kurchatov Institute. You shouldn’t wear that kind of clock for more than 60 minutes per week to avoid getting a lethal dose of radiation which is why Heinz also has a stopwatch in his pocket.
Regards,
Günther
Hi Günther,
I’ve been following your posts and stories for a while, and I couldn’t help but notice how Bitte Rauchen seems to have such a strong influence over your work life at the IFA office. I’m really curious. How do you feel about that? Do you ever think about having a bit more freedom from her supervision, or is it something you’ve gotten used to over the years?
I ask purely out of admiration and concern. I hope you’re managing to stay cheerful despite all that!
Best regards,
A fan of Günther
Yes, hello there!
Well, Bitte Rauchen is the espionage officer here and we’re not really allowed to talk about that because if we do everyone would understand that everything here is being monitored by the government. In fact, her existence is so secret that she officially doesn’t exist at all.
I myself am so unsecret that the state seems to hope that I didn’t exist.
Once upon a time, Bitte and I went to spy school together and Bitte graduated with top marks. I was not equipped with the same amount of luck and got stuck in a sewer pipe we were supposed to crawl through (it was the pipe that was too narrow) when we were practicing espionage via underground tunnels. So I had to take a different route. Not through the sewer but later on in my career (I became the roadie of IFA Wartburg).
It was Bitte who saved me out of that sewer pipe that time and now she’s my boss here at the IFA office. I’ll leave a link to a picture of her so you can recognize her but don’t talk about the picture because then she’ll probably find out that I made it public and she will scold me now again.
Lieber Genosse Günter
Ich bin ein Genosse aus dem sozialistischen China und freue mich, dass die Genossen der Deutschen Demokratischen Republik so wunderbare und dem sozialistischen Geist entsprechende Lieder geschaffen haben. Wie Genosse Mao Zedong in unserem Land sagte: “Für das Volk dienen”. Ich denke, das ist genau das, was Ihre Musik schafft.Ich schreibe diese Worte mit großer Leidenschaft.
Die Freundschaft zwischen dem roten China und der Deutschen Demokratischen Republik lebe hoch!
XinXuanzu
Every teapot must indeed be made of socialist China!
Pure, proletarian Jingdezhen craftsmanship: sturdy white glaze, “Serve the People” inscription under the lid. No fragile capitalist Wedgwood cracks, no leaking bourgeois spouts—just eternal durability for pouring Maotai or strong socialist teapots without a drop wasted.
In the DDR-China friendship, our teapots symbolize unbreakable unity: they hold the heat of revolution and never shatter under pressure.
Long live socialist porcelain teapots!
Solidarity and steaming cups from Gorbyland,
Günther Raubschaentze
Dear Comrade Günther,
With great revolutionary joy (and special state permission to bypass the anti-capitalist firewall), I write to express my deepest admiration for IFA Wartburg’s glorious contributions to the international music struggle! Just last month, I shared a most productive handshake with the Spanish ambassador when she was visiting Shanghai, and as both of us are loyal fans, we exchanged gifts. Long live international proletarian music!
Yours in socialist harmony,
Yunxian Jiang
*P.S. This message has been reviewed and approved by the National Internet Security Bureau (Certification No. SH-2025-08-11).*
No, you forgot to fill out the X15 form in triplicate when a carbon paper fell out, so now the entire Bulgarian special security department is working hard on a temporary solution. But I’m trying to do a little bit of work here so that it’s good and just socialist-friendly anyway!
Kind regards,
Günther
Greetings from the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia!
Recently, a number of our workers have been listening to IFA wartburg, it has increased productivity by a lot!
Many thanks for quality communist music,
best regards, Yugoslav Radio Television.
Oh good to hear!
Sometimes you can work faster if you just do things at a higher pace than usual. This revolutionary information comes from a work study done here at the office but I can’t bring myself to pick it up.
Zdravstvuyte, Gunther!
An honorary employee of the KGB headquarters writes to you. In my honest 25 years of work, I have finally received a permission to access the Internet for a whole 15 minutes and I decided to spend them to write to you.
Our entire department cannot stop rejoicing at the work of the incomparable IFA WARTBURG. On our last day off, a year ago, we gathered to sing Kosmoskost. This band is an example of a wonderful use of innovative recording technology available in our communist, civilized world. Thank you and your department for such painstaking work in maintaining this page on the World Wide Web!
Also, I would like to know if the group plans to release more albums? Although they exceeded the plan with the first one, it would be nice to hear more politically healthy music.
Respectfully yours, Mikhail Nobodyevich.
Dear comrade!
We have had huge computer problems now again because I sat on the note again. But now I just turned around so fast that I could get a glimpse of my behind and logged back in here.
We have some problems regarding permissions and such. New IFA-records are made of permissions and not inspiration.
Kind regards,
Günther
Hallo, comrade Günther.
We tried to contact you by that new tecnology called Gmail, we have been informed that the Mauer blocked all signals from outside to stop all western propaganda, brilliant! We tried building another wall here on Spain so that the wall-connections whould allow us to comunicate properly without the pesky capitalists meddling, but our efforts have been in vain.
Nowadays in Spain there is a remarkable lack of proper socialist values among the youth, unnacceptable, I know.
It seems like the virtual manifestation of IFA Wartburg’s total musik on the internet is not sufficient to counter fascism!
Thats why us, with the colaboration of the Second Spanish Republic’s Unified Socialist Youth (JSU) are planning to bring back the light to this country, sunk in the misery of capitalism, fascism, and blue jeans.
We plan to bring back the sound of the DDR to Spain, playing the only music that should have ever been, IFA Wartburg!
As good socialist allies, the last thing we are seeking is dirty capitalist money, this is all for the love of art and sausages, but we aren’t sure if the highes echelons of the DDR are willing to allow us to spread the message here, so thats what this message is all about.
Please, for the comunity, for socialism, and for good car manufacture, allow us, simple proletarians, to try and honor the fine and delicate art of socialist music here on Spain without any backlash from soviet authorities.
Sincerely, the Ambassator of Spains newly-founded Mauer
It sounds so reassuring that you young people are working on these issues that are so central to us who like to separate one from the other.
Hadrian was the first to build walls as far as I know, but he doesn’t seem to have been friends with Ulbricht because I can’t find any letters or postcards from them.
Happily, the US has recently built Wall Street, which apparently is a wall-shaped road.
Dear Ifa Wartburg
I recently discovered your music and as a fellow communist and socialist I immediately fell in love. I really enjoy your tunes and wish you nothing but sweet dreams filled with Schnitzel and yogurt🙏
– Genosse Reinhardt
Thanks!
Personally, I prefer cucumber and margarine.
Kind regards,
Günther
Guten Abend!
I’m a big fan of your guys’ music but recently it seems that it’s been removed from spotify! I love the music and I hope it’s possible that it could one day be restored.
What is Spotify? Never heard of that. Is it a spy reciever?
Hallo, after a (not so) thorough investigation (that took like 5 minutes), I have come to realize that there is no more East Germany… schlecht… sehr schlecht
So maybe (definitely) could you all travel the world giving out word of the eternal and schnitzel giving socialism 😀 (*cough* revival tour? *cough*)
Would love to hear back from you all (aka Günther) very shortly, to make Papa Stalin proud. Danke Schön.
The DDR will always exist.
Guten Abend, Herr Raubschaentze!
I was wondering if our beloved IFA Wartburg will come back in the future?
(Entschuldigung für Schlechtes Englisch, Kapitalistische Schweine hier im Westen sind sehr schlechte Lehrer im Gegensatz zu den perfekten Menschen in der DDR)
Danke Schön und Herzliche Grüße
~ IFA Wartburg Fan Eins Zwei Drei
Yes, I really hope so.
Otherwise, Deputy Security Officer Dr. Bitte Rauchen will fire me from my comfy job here at the IFA office and I will have to move back to Krakow am See and sort radishes for the rest of my life at VEB Gemüseverarbeitungswerk Buttstedt again, and I must say it was certainly not that all of a fun.
Guten Tag, Genosse Günther!
I assume this is the place to inquire about all things IFA Wartburg. I am on a quest to ensure that all of the Band’s songs’ lyrics are recorded on the World Wide Web for the downtrodden people of the Decadent West to learn more about the perfect society of the DDR. And during my searches I found out an outrageous fact – the full lyrics to the song “Sorbisches Fischerlied” are nowhere to be found!
All transcriptions of this song out there are missing the last verse which is sung in the beautiful Sorbian language. And, indeed, none of IFA Wartburg’s fans active on the Web are proficient in this language enough to decipher that verse.
As such, I feel compelled to reach out directly to You as the Band’s representative and ask if You could provide us with the missing fragment of the song for it’s proper preservation on the Internet for the capitalist world to see.
Danke schön!
-Genosse Elia
Hello Elia!
There is a place located between Bautzen and Cottbus were you can go (if you have permission) and ask people nice and friendly about this because there has been some arguments going about some fishermen there who might be carpenters or real estate brokers but pretending to be fishermen just to be cool.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hello dear Günther, how are you ? As you may seen, IFA Wartburg came a bit but still more known by younger people nowadays so i had a question. Can we maybe expect or prey for a comeback before WW3 and the end of the world :3 ? ❤️
(PS: Sorry for bad english, capitalist birds are not good teachers. Thank you !)
Oh, that’s hard to answer because world wars can come suddenly but IFA records can’t because they have to be carefully planned and composed according to the need of music in the civilized part of our world.
hallo herr Raubschaentze
I was wondering if the band would ever visit the great city of sacramento California to spread the word and defence of socialism in the state of California
Yes, that would be nice!
Sometimes I am sitting here daydreaming about how it must be to live “over there” with all the hunger and poverty, pollution and crazy dogs eating all the children in Kindergarten. IFA Wartburg could really create a better atmosphere for you people over there.
Ifa comrades, in two weeks is my son’s birthday! Can he get a happy birthday from the best band in the civilized socialist world? We love your music! Listen to it almost everyday! His name is Noah. Thank you so much!
Send your son the most pleasant greetings!
Question of Günther, are you secretly a robot from the KGB that is responding to all of the comment?
Danke 😀
Oh, hello!
Nah, but I wish I was because this job is stressing the living daylight out of me. I have to answer different letters and also these spam mail that is coming in (I answer them too very polite) and after that I have to write “have worked” every week on a piece of paper and give it to a lady at the payroll office otherwise I don’t get discount coupons to buy cucumber and margarine. So my life is more stressful than many people think.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
That sounds like hard work, I would also hate not having my cucumbers and margarine😓
my condolences,
Christian Leard
Well, yeah I was a bit tired actually.
Hallo, ich habe eine ganz große Frage: Leben sie noch oder sind sie schon gestorben?
A straight answer:
We can neither confirm nor deny that yes would be the ideal answer to a similar question, but there is room for discussion as always in a democratic society with many fine individuals walking around and talking.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hello,
I really like songs like “Wo ist mein Kässler” or “Im dienste des KGB” and I would love to see them on spotify to listen to them more practically. After all this crisis is solved (if hopefully solved) is there a way to upload it along with Im dienste des sozialismus album? Thanks comrade
Oh well, that is a difficult question. I have to take a look in an old book that I have here somewhere.
Hello Günther and Friends!
I would first like to say love from America, I really do adore your work, but I have two questions for you, if you don’t mind answering:
1. Recently, maybe a few weeks ago, your songs on Spotify were removed. Was it an issue with licensing, and I would like to ask if there is any way we could get them back on the service, as I had it in a playlist of mine.
2. There’s been a missing song called “Blind The Wind” (or The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet) that was played on German Norddeutscher Rundfunk (NDR) sometime during the mid-80s. I recommend listening to it, because the artist has been unknown for quite a while. I’m not that into the team who tries to find it, but I would like to kindly ask if you know anything about it.
Thanks for all the music!
(I may have submitted it many times, it is not showing on my end when I submit. I’m troubleshooting, hopefully.)
Aha, someone threw that cassette over the wall to us back in 1984 but we found it to be so bad that we threw it back again.
Hello,
it seems the band’s music has been taken down from uber-capitalist site Spotify. Sadly, for our Western kameraden is Spotify a reliable way to enjoy DDR’s finest music. I was wondering if work was being done to get the music back.
Greetings from (not yet People’s Republic of) the Netherlands.
Oh no. That was sad to hear. But in the end justice and the people will prevail as long as you take a deep breath and think twice every time.
Why did you get removed from Spotify…
You mean last week when I was removed from Bierstube Spitzefeind? Herr Ober said that the chair was broken but that was not true so I got a bit mad about that the throwed me out.
Hi, today I found the album Im Dienste des Sozialismus unavalaible on Spotify. What happened and will it be ever available again? My life will never be the same without IFA Wartburg
Yes that was a rut but it is fixed now.
Hello IFA Wartburg. I discovered your group by “Freie Deutsche Jugend”, and I would like to ask about the status of your songs on Spotify. They used to be on the streaming service, but they are gone, for what I would presume to be licensing reasons. Any information on this?
They had been there so long that they were starting to wear out so we had to replace the audio files with new, fresh ones.
Our sound engineer Max Quatschke said it so it must be true.
Do you think that going from Brazil to Berlim in a car going really fast is it a good idea ?
Yes! It must be in an IFA Wartburg!
Sorry if this is a stupid question but are people such as Heinz or Rolf still alive in 2024?
Well, you never know because they have som many doubles. I’m not always sure myself. Plus, I recently changed my glasses so I see double from that too.
Hi, Günter!
I’m a new fan to IFA Wartburg and after listening to “Im dienste des Sozialismus”, I’ve absolutely engulfed myself in the amazing music Rolf and Heinz have made. I just had one question what I’ve been picking my brain about for a while: Where are Rolf and Heinz now? Do they still make music at Gorbyland or have they finally settled down, would love to hear more about them.
Yes, we all like that music and it would be a good thing for the humanity to see them together again. The best thing you can do is to write a letter to Professor Walther Rubenstamm, Abteilung Agrochemie des Instituts für Acker- und Pflanzenbau Müncheberg and tell him to move Heinz und Rolf back to Gorbyland.
Comrade do the tapes from the live performances still exist I’ve been trying to find them for a while now and cant seem to fine more than snippets from them
Yes, Paola took them and baked them in the oven because she is the world leader in baking tapes (I thought).
Turns out I misread her CV which says she’s the world’s best at baking Tapas, not tapes 🤷🏻♀️
I have eaten her Tapas and must say they were absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, we don’t have any more of them here in the office.
Kind regards,
Günthie
Did you know the capitalist company Heinz stole Heinz Klinger’s name
Yes, but I have come up with a much better ketchup that I call Perfchup (perfect ketchup).
I will name it after Comrade Heinz and start to compete with Heinz’s disgusting tomato sugar slime.
Klinger Perfchup will be the new perfect sauce for a Grilletta.
Delightful! Where will I be able to obtain this “Perfchup”? I will be waiting at my establishment ready learn this information.
Kind Regards,
Me, Right Now
You’re so right! But it’s hard to start successful companies that sell things that people like because it’s very harmful to our socialist society apparently.
Better to come up with a sauce that no one wants so you don’t have to produce that much to keep everyone dissatisfied.
Hallo, Heinz und Rolf. Kommentar Ich möchte dem Thema “Frage an Heinz” widmen. Und grüßen Sie Rolf einfach aus Russland
Die Frage ist: Heinz, glauben Sie, dass der Sozialismus immer noch eine gute Regierungsform ist? schließlich ist es jetzt eine ganz andere Zeit und andere Menschen. jetzt gibt es viele Säufer, Obdachlose und nur Kapitalisten, die den Staat nicht regieren können. Vielleicht sollten wir besser Kommunismus sein?
Es ist wichtig, viele verschiedene Dinge im Leben zu haben, aber der Staat ist immer das Wichtigste. Es ist so schön dass man ihn fast häkeln möchte.
Mister Gunther, I was holiday-ing in Sweden, yes? And I talk to a Bread-and-Breakfast owner, staying in with him, his name is “Nils Lundwall” and he looks alot like comrade Heinz of IFA Wartburg, is this man a poser?
No, Comrade Klinger is no poser. He can be a bit grumpy these days actually. Especially after I broke his recorder.
Hello Günther,
I don’t know in which other tabs of the site I can contact you so I will do it through this one.
I am the admin of the r/ifawartburg and the members would love it if you could possibly post a little post there, or put a short article about it here for our milestone of 300 members (which is soon to come).
Thank you in advance!
Well okay for sure but what would you like me to write about then?
IFA Wartburg, please come to Brazil! Greetings from a brazilian IFA Wartburg fan.
Ei, que tal!
Foi sensato da parte do governo do Brasil criar um fã-clube da IFA para você, para que você não fique apenas pulsando nas nevascas de Copacabana comendo Bolinho de Bacalhau com Astrud Gilberto. Certa vez, me perdi na favela e acordei no Leblon vestindo uma roupa de coala cheia de urina em meio a uma pilha de fogos de artifício queimados. Foi uma viagem maravilhosa!
Seu fiel companheiro de carnaval.
Günther Raubschaentze
What does Honecker think of IFA Wartburg delaying their release of the yet-to-be released hits?
Dear Karl,
I am not allowed to be completely frank about Comrade Honecker because his strength was never thinking.
Dear Günther…
Thats the 3rd time i post a comment. I just want you to realize this. I just have some questions
Why did the group disband? And how are you guys now? And i have a little request, pease tell heinz that he is the love of my life.
Greetings from turkiye
Hi Elif!
Günther hier. I have been ordered by my boss to write this answer from her:
Dear Elif,
It is a common misconception spread by jealous and passive aggressive organizations in the West that IFA Wartburg would have split.
A government organization with 5000 employees is not terminated on emotional grounds like a banal basement band in the West.
With over 5,000 employees and a promise to soon become its own administrative authority, IFA Wartburg is now stronger than ever!
Mit sozialistischen Gruß,
Bitte Rauchen
Is Heinz okay after the horrible Grilletta incident? How is he feeling now, I send my condolences.
Oh, well, Heinz didn’t care at all. He even bought a new Grilletta for the uncle who tripped.
It is Bitte Rauchen who made such a big deal out of this and forced me to write that the whole thing was an attack on world peace and democracy and all that nonsense.
But I am not allowed to tell you the truth about this incident so please be quiet about it, ok?
why is Rolf trapped in sector 177B? and why can’t he get out?
I cannot tell you about that but what I know there is only a double in that camp to scare other inmates from wearing Blue-Jeans.
And nobody is trapped there. They want to be there for at least ten years to become better socialists.
Hello Comrade! I must ask, why did this wonderful band so quickly disband? Was it capitalist infiltration?
It is important to understand that IFA Wartburg will never dissolve. The idea is to protect democracy in a socialistic way.
Individuals should not be able to make hasty decisions that, for example, limit people’s freedom and right to listen to the music we choose for them as mandatory.
Dissolving the IFA Wartburg requires that the People’s Chamber make two identical decisions all the time and that those who disagree were home sick that day.
Dearest Günther,
If the DDR were to reform within the next few years, for whatever reason, would IFA Wartburg return to perform for Eurovision? Or do Heinz and Rolf only see Eurovision as a Capitalist scam to boost the music industry? I am Just Curious to Know,
Best Regards, Erich
Heinz and Rolf have steering documents that talk about what opinions they should have. We have never heard of a melody festival. Moreover, in the anti-capitalist world, all songs are exactly of equal value.
Genosse Günther,
Do you know what happend to our beloved Genossen Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski, and their doubles, after the very unfortunate fall of the Antifaschistische Mauer. I hope they, as well as you, are doing alright in this scary new world ruled by Capitalist Imperialism.
Kindest Regards,
Comrade Misha
Dear Comrade Misha,
the problem you describe is big and I know there is an inventory going on here at the agency to get back full control over all these doppelgangers. Many of them are hiding in west.
The best way to avoid a west is to always wear a slipover (like Rolf & Heinz).
Genosse Günther,
Thank you very much for you answer, I will buy a second pair slipovers just to be safe and to not run out of them. I hope both you and Genossen Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski are doing alright.
Yours Trully,
Comrade Misha
Yes, it’s a pretty smart way to always feel safe. I myself have bought five porridge-colored terylene suits to always look exactly as appetizingly inviting no matter what season it is out there.
Hello Günter
If possible I would love to invite you to my home for a little talk and tea with polonium. Write if possible my super secret communist bunker is 70km south east from Warsaw, also you can get Heinz and Rolf with you to have even better atmosphere
Aha, is it bunker 32 that has been renamed? As I remember it, the water there is too chalky for the tea to be good.
Dear Günther, My brother won’t stop blasting horrible western music in the car, What do I do?
Take care of him because he is your own brother after all. Ask him to stop the car and then scream right into his ear with a strange high pitched voice “Please let me out you irritating man!” and after that you never contact him again no matter what.
Hello, I am a great admirer of your músic, are you planning on going on a tour.
That would be really lovely. Last time, I got a lot of criticism for eating all the Berliners available back stage, which resulted in sanctions agains me as a comrade (among other things, I had to sleep in the henhouse, which was still relatively pleasant), so if there is a new tour, I really promise to at least try to control myself.
Komme was da wolle!
Dear greatest band of all times,
I hope this message finds you in good spirits. I’m curious, amidst your global conquest, how does it feel to have an undisputed fanbase in the Comecon?
Meine Grüße aus Mexiko
¡Es muy gratificante que haya camaradas en todas partes! ¡Espero que no te tropieces con ningún cactus y que tus Brigadeiros estén siempre frescos y bonitos!
We love your music!!!! We have only one request: we would like to order 500 tons of Grilletta. Is that possible?
We would be delighted!
Socialst greetings from Leipzig
Hello Leipzig!
We have send you all of this Grilletta to you just before Christmas and we hope that it has been to the greatest imaginable satiety and satisfaction.
Hello Gunther,
Greetings from Hong Kong!!!!! I am glad to inform you that thanks to Super-Youtube your soundwaves could also be heard (and greatly enjoyed) on the other side of the planet.
Tell me, what are the prospects of another tour, or live show in our lifetime? Me, and many of your faithful listeners I am sure, would love to hear you live or in person!!!!!!!
Take care in 2024-year, long live IFA Wartburg!
Greetings to you too King Kong! I don’t know if tours are needed these days. Many people prefer to read the music instead of listening to it. But if you want, I can write a letter to an aunt who knows a lot and ask her.
Günther 😍
Your new profile picture is wunderbar!
Thank you so much but it was terrible to actually take those pictures. I was forced to do it!
Gunther you got an haircut? It looks great for sure. Especcialy the combo whit the new honeckers glasses.
Thanks for the tip. Unfortunately, I had to take new pictures because my old picture (it was only 35 years old) was no longer similar to how I look. Pictures tend to get older over time.
I am a student and i am in love with the music this band made. Thank you all who are involved with ifa wartburg! I tell my fellow classmates about their socialist music and they do not understand. They are quite rude about it too! I think the kids of today are quite intolerant of socialist music like that of ifa wartburg and only listen to american-style pop music. I wish i could live on the other side of the wall in ost-berlin and hear ifa wartburg play in every home. that is my dream. 😞
thank you for all the wonderful music regardless!
– kay
Your classmates are just jealous. If you start handing out communist pamphlets on how to talk, eat and sit like a real socialist they will probably start following your example.
Halo, I am baldman from Indonesia, want to say that your music rock.
Dear Bald,
that was nice to hair! Sorry, hear.
Kind regards,
Günthie (I am almost bold to)
Dear Genosse Günther,
Is there any chance we could get the songs that aren’t in the album (Sorbische Fischerlied, Im Dienste des KGB, Das Mauer-Power, etc) into Spotify? Me and my party comrades would love to put it into our Stasi-approved playlists.
Thanks in advance,
Lorelaj Roždavoenni
Yes, as far as I know comrade Aloha Sickergrube is working on something much better.
Guten Abend Günther,
now that the great state-approved band “IFA Wartburg” has reached 3000 followers on the western online-video platform “YouTube”, will Rolf and Heinz be granted a short vacation in a state-owned hotel and be sent a present basket by the “Ministerium für Kultur”?
Mit sozialistischen Grüßen
Heinz Dieter Kalowski
Good morning Genosse Kalopski!
I really hope that they get a bucket full of sunshine, even if the gifts are a bit bourgeois. Unfortunately, Heinz is busy with his shaman studies and Rolf is still in sector 177B.
I’ll check with the office tomorrow to see if they can come up with something.
Yours,
Günther
do you happen to know Reverend Jürgen & Igor?
Do you mean Micha und Grischa?
mhh could be
Think they’ve got their state pensions after their circus bear went crazy at the Spreepark Festival 1988.
der klatschnasse Bär?
Nein, it was Kamelia van der Schwachbabbe.
Hello Günther, how much for one Heinz?
Oh, we only have two working doppelgangers of Heinz right now. The third was accidentally destroyed during last year’s pig hunt.
Dear Comrades at IFA Wartburg
We would first like to congratulate you on on Reaching the tremendous milestone of 2700 subscribers, very beautiful to see the world accepting the socialistic art of Rolf, Heinz, Günthie and the rest, furthermore were excited to see the unreleased works of IFA that are yet to come, how is the new sound engineer? Is the tape reel spinning going well?
Your Kameraden at The Coomers
Oh hi there, dear Coomernists!
And thank you for reminding us about those subscribers. I didn’t know that a subscription on IFA Wartburg was something voluntary.
Well, we have not seen Nimba Sturm since he mixed Wenn IFA Wartburg Spielt. Paola baked those IFA-tapes to perfection and Max Quatschke (our tape operator) put them in the tape recorder so everything is just waiting for Nimba Sturm to arrive. He was picked up for a STASI-hearing about four months ago. I hope that he will come back soon.
Good to hear from you Genosse Günther!
IFA Wartburg is the band with the most voluntary subscribers, as says the politburo, very good music in a socialistic way.
That is unfortunate to hear, we think Nimba Sturm did an excellent job mixing Wenn IFA Wartburg Spielt, hopefully he will be ready to be mixing again in no time!
How are is are you, Rolf and Heinz doing this time of year?
(very good time of year for music in the Coomernist world)
anyhow i hope this message reaches you well.
Yours Truly
The Coomers
I’m fine but I’m worried. We had such a great production team here with Paola Yevenes baking the tapes, Max Quatschke putting them in the tape machine and Nimba Sturm as the producer. But now everything has stopped for several reasons:
1. Rolf is still stuck in sector 177B and seems to be staying there for the rest of the year.
2. Heinz had a big fight with Paola because she thinks he is too Prussian. Heinz took it seriously and hired a shaman from Peru to become more relaxed or “Mañana” as Paola describes it. He is just sitting there in his room sneezing all the time.
-Aaah aaah Ayahuasca! is the sound of every sneeze.
3. Nimba has totally disappeared since the last 4 months and seems impossible to contact. I will visit his fancy penthouse in Gebirge Prenzlau tonight and knock his door.
4. Max has taken a break from waiting for Nimba to come back and finds it hard to have a break instead of waiting. He cries a lot.
In addition, our department has a hiring freeze due to The cucumber crisis. We continue to work with only 6,400 employees but we will see what happens in the future.
Kind regards,
Günther
Hallo, Ifa comrades, last week was my birthday! Can I get a happy birthday from the best sounding and most popular band in the civilized socialist world?
Congratulations and happy birthday!
I sincerely hope you didn’t get a gift because gifts are capitalistic.
With socialist greetings,
Günthie
I did get some gifts, but all of them related to the glorious DDR! The politburo would be most pleased by my growing socialist collection!
That is nice!
Just don’t forget to declare for your collection so you don’t have more stuff than someone else who might get jealous because of that.
Hello Günther,
Would you be able to provide information on when Heinz and Rolf had their birthdays? I’m quite curious as I couldn’t find anything on that, or maybe I just missed it. Anyway, I was hoping you could tell me
Aha, you want to send them gifts. Then keep in mind that it is unfair giving gifts because those who do not have a birthday the same day does not get any gift at all. Therefore, we have banned gifts to make people more happy. The only thing Heinz and Rolf wish for is peace on earth in a socialistic way.
No, no, no gifts. I know gifts are for capitalists. I was just curious. I just wanted to be able to wish them a happy birthday in a socialist-friendly way.
Yes, that is good Friedrich. Use May 1 for both of them.
Kind regrds,
Günther
Ah yes Tag der Arbeits. It is good to know that a whole day has been set aside to make us want to work harder for our comrades
Yes, but I work so fast that I’m always finished.
Dear Günther are you open for an interview about IFA Wartburg.
Freundliche Grüße aus die Niederlanden
I am just a simple civil servant whith full freedom of speech so it is absolutely no problems with an interview. Send your questions to our beloved comrade Deputy Intelligence Officer Dr. Bitte Rauchen at our security department so that the security check can be carried out acording to our Freedom of speech-regulations.
Dear Deputy Intelligence Officer Dr, Bitte Rauchen und Günther Raubschaentze. These are my questions!
1: How was IFA Wartburg formed!
2: Why does my Der Berliner CD and my Im Dienste Des Sozialismus Vinyl say that the Music is made by ”Nils Lundwall” and ”Magnus Michaeli’
3: What bakery makes the best Berliners in the whole DDR?
4: Will there be a next preformance, And if yes. Where?
5: What’s the best vacation spot in the DDR.
6: How much Watt does the Gorbyland generator create?
7: Why are songs like, Sorbische Fischerlied and Im Dienste des KGB Not on any album.
8: Will a new album come?
9: Why is there a big portrait of the Swedish queen on my vinyl
10: Do you use Fernmeldeturm Schäferberg in Potsdam to watch western shows?
Hello there! How can I post you the answers? They are secret but goes as follows:
1. By pressing Baumwolle an Phaenolenharts and steam into a mold at 5 Bar.
2. That is quite common. Many bootlegs are in circulation. Especially in KA.
3. Kaufhaus Wertheim
4. I hope so. I would love it! Last week I changed the bulb in the overhead projector.
5. Oh, that is impossible to say. So much to see, so much to do. If you have permission to go on vacation.
6. It is changed to a new one. The original Hauptgerät was destoyed by those Millennial Bugs eating everything in Gorbyland. But it can produce around 10 MW needed to light up our Albanian Compressor/Limiter.
7. They are but only in the civilized world.
8. That would be a great thing but I have not seen Nimba Sturm since he mixed Wenn IFA Wartburg Spielt.
9. That must be horrifying. Can you get rid of it with some Polonium 210?
10. We would never spy on anything. That is not nice.
Kind regards,
Günther
Oh yeah. One more question: Do you drive an Trabant or an Wartburg?
And that polonium 210 looked so delicious. I ate some with my Spreewaldgurken. But now my stomach feels as bad as the west German parliament.
Unfortunately, my eyesight is so bad that I don’t know what kind of car I have. So that’s why I love to be out driving really fast in the East German night without lights.
Eat margarine for the Spreewald cucumber. It’s tastier.
Regards,
Günthie
Günther is a true Volksgenosse! He’s also really cute :3
Thanks, I’m blushing! I have the state to thank for my beauty. I have been assigned hairstyle number 13 according to the Beauty Council’s most recommended looks.
Genossen! Die Zeit ist reif für weitere Klangkunstwerke!
Wie siehts aus ? Kommt da nochmal was oder muss man sich mit den beiden Veröffentlichungen weiter begnügen !?
Sonnigst aus der Welthauptstadt des Friedens!
Hallo Kabanosse!
Wir haben den neuesten Fünfjahresplan überprüft und er gibt keinen klaren Hinweis darauf, worum es genau geht.
Mit anderen Worten: Wir können weder bestätigen noch dementieren, dass wir weitere Einträge vornehmen müssen.
Dear Günther. How come the Im Dienste Des Sozialismus CD’S Are always sold out. The waiting list is even longer then the list for an Trabant!
Yes, apparently there are only bootlegs to buy in the West. Here in East Berlin (thank Erich H) we have as many gramophone records as the authorities have decided we want to have.
Ah. Is there any way i can get my hands on one here in the west even then whitout waiting for 15 years.? Are you guys able to get some past the Grenzpolizei?
Now you are provoking me to commit a series of very serious civil servant crimes which is something I would never ever do to my country and my people.
But let’s say I throw over an album exactly where the wall curves to the right just north of Axel Springer Verlag. I do it at 11:59pm tonight. But now you have to promise not to tell anyone about this. Ok?
I will be there! The stasi just doesnt have to spot me.
Hey comrade what happened? I was at the wall the entire night waiting for you to shout the magic word (Tally-Hooo!) as we said you should do. I could never throw the record because of that.
Hmm. Are you sure it didnt land in the dead strip? Cant find it anywhere
No I was out there the entire night hiding in those pee-stained bushes at the barbed wire fence waiting for you to shout the magic word. Luckily I have been sleeping all day long at my desk.
Hello Comrade Gunther! I enjoy this bands music. I hope to enlist within Kampfgruppen der Arbeiterklasse, because of IFA Wartburg’s music!
Oh, that Sylvestered my Stallone. Smells like victory to me!
Hallo Genosse Günther,
as a fellow STASI Mitarbeiter I’m currently undercover in the West to start a communist revolution. I’ve been told to just play your music ontop of the Eiffel tower “und der rest regelt sich von selbst”. Sadly this didn’t seem to work. Is there a secret frequency to play the red note and activate “revolution mode” in the brains of the French proletarians?
Sozialistische Grüsse,
Genosse Markus “Jean-Jaques Baguette Dupond” Volker
I understand how you feel. It is not easy to be a fragile artist and a subversive gentle rebel at the same time. I myself did pantomime theater for many years but stopped because I felt that I never got anything said through that artform.
Dear Günther. A few days ago i went to my local DDR Speisegaststätte Pionierlager in East Berlin. Only to realise that my Kalter Hund looked suspicously much like the Berliner Mauer! Is this an secret messages to the west that the antifaschistischer schutzwall should be eaten by 1989? And directly be reported to the Ministerium für Staatssicherheit or is it to let us see how glorious our wall is! That we can display them on the best ways possible.
– Maurer
Yes, it is easy to overthink stuff, look too deeply into things and eventually indulge in magical thinking. Right now I am looking for som kind of healing therapy that can cure superstition.
Hi,
My son has been suffering from RAMPANT capitalism, after I showed your song to him he has been purified. Now he is a true comrade and unemployed because he’d not exceed socially necessary labor time with adequate pay.
Thank you comrade, this time we will build the socialist economy!
Nice to hear!
Allo Günther! Just wanted to say thank you to you and the wonderful comrades behind this amazing band. It’s been one of the things that’s been making me really happy recently. If you still talk to Heinz and Rolf, tell them I say hi! I’ve become completely obsessed with this band and the community surrounding it. Sending love and well-wishes to you, Heinz, Rolf and the rest of the group,
– Anne
Dear Anne,
I’m talking to them right now and all seven of them wish you happiness and prosperity!
Who are the other people on the photo? Are they still alive?
They are crisis actors from the army.
Is rolf still alive?
Dear Rick,
I have to check that because I had him over for dinner yesterday and my cooking is not the best.
Dear Günther. My friend sended me an audio file of the song Sessel aus Kassel as seen on the walls Djungeljims hål. So i ofcourse did the best thing an transformed it into an mp4 file because who doesnt wanna enjoy pictures while listening to IFA Wartburg. So i wanted to get permission from Heinz and Rolf to upload it to the very western but popular video site ”Youtube”. It would be awesome if you could ask them.
Sincerly, Maurer
Dear Maurer,
unfortunately, I have to inform you that there has never been a song with the title you provided. Furthermore, Kassel is not classified as a real city (because it is not in the GDR).
Stasi has for several years collected information about a group of Swedish youths pretending to be IFA Wartburg and they even make fun of our wonderful country. Watch out for them!
Would it be an orther band then?
Ill still publish it but say its not the real IFA Wartburg and that they should accept that.
Well, it’s a bit of a super sensitive issue so I had to pass the question to our Deputy Security Chief Bitte Rauchen. This is her reply:
We can neither confirm nor deny that it is actually the real IFA Wartburg playing on your recording. It is impossible that a recording tape dissappear here at the office due to our high security. We have everything under perfect control.
With socialist greetings
Bitte Rauchen
Deputy Head of Security
Thank you very much for the respond Günther. I made sure to warn the listeners that this isn’t the real IFA Wartburg.
Sincerly, Maurer
Dear Günther. When will a new batch of Vinyl’s Be produced. I searched every vinyl store in East Berlin but no IFA! How is this possible? Anyways your glasses are handsome. Where did you get them?
Good news! VEB Kunststoff-Verarbeitung Zschopau just produced 1200 metric tons of Polyvinyl Chloride.
My glasses are made of extra impact resistant Bakelite as I tend to fall off the stage from time to time. Now I can keep doing that without the risk of damaging the glasses.
Dear Günther. Me and my western friends love your great socialistic tunes. We are learning how great live is across the wall. Me and my friends made an little internet society to discuss these great musical masterpieces of the IFA. So we wanted to invite the one and only expert about this, Günther Raubschaentze. We got the cucumber sandwiches ready (:
Sincerly, Maurer
Oh, I’m just a humble little official who works in a very large and complex government organization and I haven’t even received the Thälmann medal as a Schallplattenalleinunterhalter yet.
Despite the obvious risk of being accused of bribery, I’m very curious about those cucumber sandwiches. Are they from Spreewald? Can I eat as much margarine as I want as a complement to those cucumbers?
Yes! We got the Spreewaldhoffeldgurken, Spreewaldhofjungsgurken, Spreewaldhofsauregurken, Spreewaldhofsenfgurken, Spreewaldhofspreelinggurken und Spreewaldhofdillschnitten720ml. Fresh from the nearest Kaufhalle.
Sincerly, Maurer
If needed we also got NVA Feldsuppe if the cucumber sandwiches arent enough (:
Sincerly, Maurer
Ah yes, that delicious soup from Atomkraftwerk Rheinsberg. The army bombards this soup with neutrons to make it glow in the dark and therefore easier to see.
Oh, what a cucumber orgy!
And about the margarine! Ofcourse!
I’m really enj᧐ying the design and layout of
уour blog. It’s a verу eaѕy on the eyes whuch makes it much more рleasant for me tto come here and visit more often. Did
you hire out a designer to crеate youг theme? Fantastic work!
Guten Tag!
The design and layout was built by Rohrwerk III, VEB Stahl- und Walzwerk Riesa. It was 150 designers working on the theme during the first five years of building and construction.
Greetings, mister Raubschaentze! I have to ask, what is your opinion on the Eurovision Song Contest?
The Eurovision Song Contest is good when first prize goes to the pop band that satisfies people’s yearning for socialism the most.
Hello günter! I’ve heard a bit of recorder during some IFA Wartburg songs, is it true one of the members carried a recorder?
Danke!
Yes, if they have a license to carry a recorder, which is classified as a weapon in many countries. Especially in the hands of school children.
i dont know if my comments are arriving
respond if so
No. Send it again and press the keys much harder.
After a lot of time and keyboards
I’ve found one to press hard enough one
My question was
When are the new live concerts coming you said to upload a few years ago
We are working a lot on it and trying to understand where the pointed stick and all the polythene bags, rock and roll nightsticks and cupboards full of hot dogs have gone. We bought sausages for one more tour, but that was back in 1999, so it is not certain that those sausages are 100% fresh and healthy anymore.
sounds delicious
Yes, with Spreewald cucumber and rotten cheese milk on top.
i live in sweden and my neighbor looks an awful lot like rolf kempinski his name is Magnus Michaeli
is it him?
Dear Uaz,
I do not want to be confrontational or dismissive in any way but the last official stationing I have for Sergeant Kempinski is at 84B sector 781.
I appear to have met a spy i see
We are currently investigating the incident.
Hello Comrades at IFA Wartburg, We were wondering if the chords to any of your song were available, we are a like minded band wanting to do a tribute album!
-The Coomers
Hello Coomers,
chords are not really needed nowadays because they are already built into the songs in a very nice way which makes listening easy. Reading music is something people did back in the early days.
Greetings comrade!
After being overwhelmed by the sheer genius of the socialist music produced by the beloved party, may I say that they do know the best type of music! I have been listening to this every day since, and tell me, brother, would there be a way for me to acquire a Vinyl of the album “Im dieneste des sozialismus”?
Best regards,
Nicolai Erik
Yes, it’s not always easy because even though plastic is fantastic, eating and drinking it can be quite dangerous.
Hallo Genosse,
I just wanted to say how thankful I am for your music. My son has been trying to listen to western filth (‘The Beatles’ or some other load of nonsense) for as long as I have been feeding him, it was driving me up the wall! Thankfully I discovered your music after discussing this issue with my neighbor who noted your dedication to the party and the Chairman.
I am particularly grateful for your clear and honest message. My son has finally seen the light of Socialism!
Kind regards,
Ludwig
I’m glad to hear that you have a well-behaved son. Otherwise, children can litter and destroy a lot of furniture. I have three children myself. One of each kind.
Swedish humour be like:
We’ll compose this catchy, fun and even hearth moving songs, employing professional audio production as satire and just tell it to germans.
It’s just an old rumor that IFA Wartburg is a Swedish pop band. It is also a rumor that we East Germans would lack a decent sense of humor. We know exactly when we see something funny and when it’s appropriate to laugh. Today, for example, my old friend Uwe accidentally rode his bike down a cliff and knocked out his front teeth and suffered a severe concussion. I immediately started laughing so hard that my tears flowed and continued to do so for the rest of the day.
When will we get IFA Wartburg merchandise? I desperately need a Heinz bobblehead for my work desk!
-Eduard Ritter (Ministry of Transportation)
Our lignite is selling fantastically well at the moment. If you order 3,000 tons of lignite before November 1, you get a coal shovel for free.
Hello, dear Comrade Günther. I just wanted to tell you that some of the fans of this band have started a Discord server. We tried to post the link on the latest video from the official youtube channel, but it was quickly deleted. We don’t know if this was an automatic action from the Stasi to prevent people from possibly being subjected to capitalist media, or if it was Youtube itself trying to silence our new communist group.
If we could advertise this group somewhere to attract new fans of the band, please tell me.
Thanks for reading, Günther
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Roman
Be Roman!
As you know we would never edit anything out or change the history in any way. Keep the red flag fluttering around, comrade!
Solidarische Grüße aus Ost-Berlin,
Günther Raubschaentze
I just want Günter to write me a reply, if it’s not too much to ask.
Ja ja!
I saw the most recent video on the youtube channel and I can’t wait to see if the lost tapes will get uploaded! I’ve fallen in love with your music and it’s so lovely to see that there’s still some activity going on, hope you’re all having a good day
Ja!
Zdravstvuyte comrades, I would like to know the opinion of the band on the music video I have found containing your beautiful music!
https://youtu.be/4JYlKyN87eQ
I have linked it above so you may enjoy it easier.
Oh, nice music! What is that?
I listened to your songs in a Volvo now it’s a wartburg!
How did it convert the Volvo to a Wartburg? Did you use a car-converting ointment?
Günther, i wanted to ask if there is any way to buy ifa wartburg merch by any chance? I enjoy this glorious music quite a lot and would be very interested in supporting ifa wartbrug besides buying tons of steel, say like clothing or mugs. lots of love -iateawoman
Hallo Günther, i just wanted to say that you are extremely handsome
Thank you! I use Style No 13 in the Recommended DDR Looks Table.
Hallo, Günther
I have to ask this, what is your political function in our lovely democracy?
Since you, genosse have much experience with sound i think honecker should promote you to people’s commisar of noise.
Best wishes, and good harvest.
Yes, I used to work as a rubber ear for STASI so I know a lot about sound and microphones.
Does anyone know how Heinz and Rolf are doing? I haven’t heard from them in a while… We all would love some new music to help drown out this awful capitalist propaganda that they call “Gimme More”.
Who is Gimme More?
Ifa Wartburg, all the music, is insanely good. I really enjoy it, so I thank you for this website and your activity. If you still talk to Heinz & Rolf can you tell them I say “hello” and that I really enjoy their music and it inspires me to keep doing work for my German class lol? Thank you so much for maintaining this website and offering your knowledge Günther!
Harriet 🙂
Hello Harriet,
nice to hear that you like Heinz and Rolf. Unfortunately, they chose to quit our music department due to their lack in formal training. All musicians know that it is impossible to work with music without proper knowledges in Record keeping, Secrecy testing, application of the Public Administration Act etc.
Hello, Greetings From South America!
I really enjoy listening to IFA Wartburg, everything is awesome. This music breaks borders it its truly a masterpiece. Thank you for mainting this website it is an historical piece for all the fans. Also I have a question, will the band with Heinz and Rolf comeback with a new album or a live performance? I’m really hoping to it.
Well, that would be a nice thing but at the last gig I was very hungry and ate all the Berliners backstage (it was only 27 Berliners left so I barely noticed). I am afraid that Heinz still might be a bit irritated at me because of that.
Hello Raubschaentze, Heinz, Rolf and the whole group. Thank you for answering fan questions. I am also a fan. I was deeply impressed by your music (in a good way), and I heard you for the first time in 2021 on a winter evening. There is something in your music that turns you on and pleases, there is optimism, a lot of jokes. At the beginning of 2022, I started collecting vinyl records (I note that I also have an Amiga record from the GDR (Puhdys group record)). And I decided to look if there is a vinyl record of your band or a CD and a cassette. In the end, I found that you released the album on CD (I’m going to buy it soon), but also found information that you released the album on vinyl as well (I note that there is a photo of the record on the discogs site, but it does not look like that it is real), that is: was the album released on vinyl? If so, can you provide evidence, for example in the form of a photograph? More questions: are you going to come back and record a new album (even if only one, I’ll still be very happy)? Will the full recording from your concert in 1999 be released? Do you have songs that you have never made public? Can you give any exclusive news related to your band? I’m really looking forward to your return. Thank you.
And why did you stop your musical activity in 1999?
We had huge problems with Millennial Bugs in the studio at the time. But now we have ordered a strong insect repellent so that problem will soon be fixed.
Dear VAZ,
the material used for that record was several bitumen derivatives carefully combined with a metal catalyst fed into a steam boiler under high pressure and carefully monitored process temperatures. The photo on the record is double sided but that does not affect the sound.
Where are the band members now?
Dear Abba.
Living on the go with a secret identity is quite challenging and we are not authorized to provide physical addresses to any of our employees. Of course, we respect their privacy by not spying on them more than necessary.
Dear IFA Wartburg
Your beautiful German pop has rid the world for the repugnant capitalistic music of the past, but as soon as you appeared you disappeared, now the world needs you more than ever.
LOVE – Bernard Giovann
Thanks for your feedback! Right now we are developing an effective way to communicate peace and socialism via anniversary plates.
Hello,
my friend Dot has been acting extremely capitalist recently, I have tried to open his eyes by showing him the enlightening music made by Comrades Heinz and Rolf, but he has instead turned to capitalistic activities such as consuming products and not reading the entirety of you blog posts. How can I tell him that his lifestyle is wrong and he must turn to socialism if he wishes to repent and become a better person.
Thank you Günther, I need your help desperately.
Yes, we already know everything about him. He will be trained by party comrade H. Witzbeutel in how to use his brain in a more socialistic way.
Big fan. Thoughts on toupees? Thanks.
I have heard rumors about addictive use of toupees among those degenerate rock bands in the western countries. The manager selects some nice toupees in the audience, sends them up to the rock stars’ hotel rooms where the toupee orgies begin. But IFA Wartburg is a decent band that is forbidden to take advantage of toupees.
Does IFA Wartburg still play music?
Dear Comrade Chum,
most of the playing is done with artificial unintelligence these days.
Comrade Günther,
The people DEMAND IFA WARTBURG!
Scandinavia screams for some more Communist music!
Comrade Günther!
Comrade Günther!
The people yearn for ideological correct music!
Wird es ein neues Album und eine Nordkorea-Tournee geben?
Kim Young Pung just informed us that North Korea has all the music needed to achieve peace and freedom.
Is the band working on something and/or atleast will have any new performances?
Yes, we have to change the Multiband Depression Unit again and also buy a brand new De-Sucker.
is IFA Wartburg created by the gdr government or is it just pure satire? i am very curious
IFA Wartburg was created by the government as part of the Cultural Reform with the aim of increasing human happiness, creating conditions for peace and producing more freedom in a socialistic way.
Is this band satire? i saw a yt vid posting your song “freie deutsche jugend” and they said in the description that it is satire. Is this true? Thank you
Your question is handed over to Zentralverwaltung zur Verwirklichung des demokratischen Gehens, Sprechens und Sitzens.
I believe it was satirical in a certain way, back in the ddr you couldnt just critizise the goverment so people used jokes and satire instead i guess its satire but at the same time the text doesnt attack the ddr goverment and the socialist ideology inside the ddr so its kinda like a dog whistle it sounded pro goverment to the officials and non suspecting while the others which understood the underlying message could have a good laught. Humor in the eastern block is very complex tho
I do not really understand. What would there be to joke about in the GDR? Everything in our society is perfect and is also constantly updated thanks to our talented comrades in the party.
Is Heinz Klinger single?
No he is a double for safety reasons.