THIS IS IFA WARTBURG
The most famous and best sounding pop group in the civilized world.
IFA Wartburg was created by the cultural committee of the East German government to force the young audience to like music that is politically healthy.
Therefore, IFA Wartburg only play songs that have a positive message about socialism, peace and friendship. That is a result of the fact that the music is written according to five-year plans formulated by the East German government.
Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski were chosen to front this project due to their non-degenerated appearance. In other words, they are the best examples available for the younger generation who always seeks for good comrades to idolize and identify with.
Heinz and Rolf were very honored to be chosen to organize this unique orchestra; a task for which their merits are just perfect:
HEINZ KLINGER
Educated at the University of Dresden and specialized in Industrial Infrastructure and Energy Support. Heinz is also an officer in the army and an eager spokesman for peace in a socialistic way.
ROLF KEMPINSKI
Educated at the University of Agriculture in Halle. Rolf is an expert of tractors and has also developed a new technique for cleaning harvesting machines.
Is Heinz Klinger single?
No he is a double for safety reasons.
Is this band satire? i saw a yt vid posting your song “freie deutsche jugend” and they said in the description that it is satire. Is this true? Thank you
Your question is handed over to Zentralverwaltung zur Verwirklichung des demokratischen Gehens, Sprechens und Sitzens.
I believe it was satirical in a certain way, back in the ddr you couldnt just critizise the goverment so people used jokes and satire instead i guess its satire but at the same time the text doesnt attack the ddr goverment and the socialist ideology inside the ddr so its kinda like a dog whistle it sounded pro goverment to the officials and non suspecting while the others which understood the underlying message could have a good laught. Humor in the eastern block is very complex tho
I do not really understand. What would there be to joke about in the GDR? Everything in our society is perfect and is also constantly updated thanks to our talented comrades in the party.
is IFA Wartburg created by the gdr government or is it just pure satire? i am very curious
IFA Wartburg was created by the government as part of the Cultural Reform with the aim of increasing human happiness, creating conditions for peace and producing more freedom in a socialistic way.
Is the band working on something and/or atleast will have any new performances?
Yes, we have to change the Multiband Depression Unit again and also buy a brand new De-Sucker.
Wird es ein neues Album und eine Nordkorea-Tournee geben?
Kim Young Pung just informed us that North Korea has all the music needed to achieve peace and freedom.
Does IFA Wartburg still play music?
Dear Comrade Chum,
most of the playing is done with artificial unintelligence these days.
Comrade Günther,
The people DEMAND IFA WARTBURG!
Scandinavia screams for some more Communist music!
Comrade Günther!
Comrade Günther!
The people yearn for ideological correct music!
Hello,
my friend Dot has been acting extremely capitalist recently, I have tried to open his eyes by showing him the enlightening music made by Comrades Heinz and Rolf, but he has instead turned to capitalistic activities such as consuming products and not reading the entirety of you blog posts. How can I tell him that his lifestyle is wrong and he must turn to socialism if he wishes to repent and become a better person.
Thank you Günther, I need your help desperately.
Yes, we already know everything about him. He will be trained by party comrade H. Witzbeutel in how to use his brain in a more socialistic way.
Big fan. Thoughts on toupees? Thanks.
I have heard rumors about addictive use of toupees among those degenerate rock bands in the western countries. The manager selects some nice toupees in the audience, sends them up to the rock stars’ hotel rooms where the toupee orgies begin. But IFA Wartburg is a decent band that is forbidden to take advantage of toupees.
Dear IFA Wartburg
Your beautiful German pop has rid the world for the repugnant capitalistic music of the past, but as soon as you appeared you disappeared, now the world needs you more than ever.
LOVE – Bernard Giovann
Thanks for your feedback! Right now we are developing an effective way to communicate peace and socialism via anniversary plates.
Where are the band members now?
Dear Abba.
Living on the go with a secret identity is quite challenging and we are not authorized to provide physical addresses to any of our employees. Of course, we respect their privacy by not spying on them more than necessary.
Hello Raubschaentze, Heinz, Rolf and the whole group. Thank you for answering fan questions. I am also a fan. I was deeply impressed by your music (in a good way), and I heard you for the first time in 2021 on a winter evening. There is something in your music that turns you on and pleases, there is optimism, a lot of jokes. At the beginning of 2022, I started collecting vinyl records (I note that I also have an Amiga record from the GDR (Puhdys group record)). And I decided to look if there is a vinyl record of your band or a CD and a cassette. In the end, I found that you released the album on CD (I’m going to buy it soon), but also found information that you released the album on vinyl as well (I note that there is a photo of the record on the discogs site, but it does not look like that it is real), that is: was the album released on vinyl? If so, can you provide evidence, for example in the form of a photograph? More questions: are you going to come back and record a new album (even if only one, I’ll still be very happy)? Will the full recording from your concert in 1999 be released? Do you have songs that you have never made public? Can you give any exclusive news related to your band? I’m really looking forward to your return. Thank you.
And why did you stop your musical activity in 1999?
We had huge problems with Millennial Bugs in the studio at the time. But now we have ordered a strong insect repellent so that problem will soon be fixed.
Dear VAZ,
the material used for that record was several bitumen derivatives carefully combined with a metal catalyst fed into a steam boiler under high pressure and carefully monitored process temperatures. The photo on the record is double sided but that does not affect the sound.
Ifa Wartburg, all the music, is insanely good. I really enjoy it, so I thank you for this website and your activity. If you still talk to Heinz & Rolf can you tell them I say “hello” and that I really enjoy their music and it inspires me to keep doing work for my German class lol? Thank you so much for maintaining this website and offering your knowledge Günther!
Harriet 🙂
Hello Harriet,
nice to hear that you like Heinz and Rolf. Unfortunately, they chose to quit our music department due to their lack in formal training. All musicians know that it is impossible to work with music without proper knowledges in Record keeping, Secrecy testing, application of the Public Administration Act etc.
Hello, Greetings From South America!
I really enjoy listening to IFA Wartburg, everything is awesome. This music breaks borders it its truly a masterpiece. Thank you for mainting this website it is an historical piece for all the fans. Also I have a question, will the band with Heinz and Rolf comeback with a new album or a live performance? I’m really hoping to it.
Well, that would be a nice thing but at the last gig I was very hungry and ate all the Berliners backstage (it was only 27 Berliners left so I barely noticed). I am afraid that Heinz still might be a bit irritated at me because of that.
Does anyone know how Heinz and Rolf are doing? I haven’t heard from them in a while… We all would love some new music to help drown out this awful capitalist propaganda that they call “Gimme More”.
Who is Gimme More?
Hallo, Günther
I have to ask this, what is your political function in our lovely democracy?
Since you, genosse have much experience with sound i think honecker should promote you to people’s commisar of noise.
Best wishes, and good harvest.
Yes, I used to work as a rubber ear for STASI so I know a lot about sound and microphones.
Hallo Günther, i just wanted to say that you are extremely handsome
Thank you! I use Style No 13 in the Recommended DDR Looks Table.
Günther, i wanted to ask if there is any way to buy ifa wartburg merch by any chance? I enjoy this glorious music quite a lot and would be very interested in supporting ifa wartbrug besides buying tons of steel, say like clothing or mugs. lots of love -iateawoman
I saw the most recent video on the youtube channel and I can’t wait to see if the lost tapes will get uploaded! I’ve fallen in love with your music and it’s so lovely to see that there’s still some activity going on, hope you’re all having a good day
Ja!
I just want Günter to write me a reply, if it’s not too much to ask.
Ja ja!
When will we get IFA Wartburg merchandise? I desperately need a Heinz bobblehead for my work desk!
-Eduard Ritter (Ministry of Transportation)
Our lignite is selling fantastically well at the moment. If you order 3,000 tons of lignite before November 1, you get a coal shovel for free.
Swedish humour be like:
We’ll compose this catchy, fun and even hearth moving songs, employing professional audio production as satire and just tell it to germans.
It’s just an old rumor that IFA Wartburg is a Swedish pop band. It is also a rumor that we East Germans would lack a decent sense of humor. We know exactly when we see something funny and when it’s appropriate to laugh. Today, for example, my old friend Uwe accidentally rode his bike down a cliff and knocked out his front teeth and suffered a severe concussion. I immediately started laughing so hard that my tears flowed and continued to do so for the rest of the day.
Mister Günther, is there an address or PO box that I can send fan mail to? I would also kindly ask you to suggest a socialist postal service! I have had bad experiences with capitalists spying on my mail.
Yes, we had a socialist postal service for a while but people didn’t write anything interesting in their letters so we just threw them away.
Hello Comrades at IFA Wartburg, We were wondering if the chords to any of your song were available, we are a like minded band wanting to do a tribute album!
-The Coomers
Hello Coomers,
chords are not really needed nowadays because they are already built into the songs in a very nice way which makes listening easy. Reading music is something people did back in the early days.
i live in sweden and my neighbor looks an awful lot like rolf kempinski his name is Magnus Michaeli
is it him?
Dear Uaz,
I do not want to be confrontational or dismissive in any way but the last official stationing I have for Sergeant Kempinski is at 84B sector 781.
I appear to have met a spy i see
We are currently investigating the incident.
i dont know if my comments are arriving
respond if so
No. Send it again and press the keys much harder.
After a lot of time and keyboards
I’ve found one to press hard enough one
My question was
When are the new live concerts coming you said to upload a few years ago
We are working a lot on it and trying to understand where the pointed stick and all the polythene bags, rock and roll nightsticks and cupboards full of hot dogs have gone. We bought sausages for one more tour, but that was back in 1999, so it is not certain that those sausages are 100% fresh and healthy anymore.
sounds delicious
Yes, with Spreewald cucumber and rotten cheese milk on top.
Hello günter! I’ve heard a bit of recorder during some IFA Wartburg songs, is it true one of the members carried a recorder?
Danke!
Yes, if they have a license to carry a recorder, which is classified as a weapon in many countries. Especially in the hands of school children.
You are a very bright person!
Well, my wife often says that I possess an alternative form of intelligence.
Greetings, mister Raubschaentze! I have to ask, what is your opinion on the Eurovision Song Contest?
The Eurovision Song Contest is good when first prize goes to the pop band that satisfies people’s yearning for socialism the most.
I’m really enj᧐ying the design and layout of
уour blog. It’s a verу eaѕy on the eyes whuch makes it much more рleasant for me tto come here and visit more often. Did
you hire out a designer to crеate youг theme? Fantastic work!
Guten Tag!
The design and layout was built by Rohrwerk III, VEB Stahl- und Walzwerk Riesa. It was 150 designers working on the theme during the first five years of building and construction.
Dear Günther. Me and my western friends love your great socialistic tunes. We are learning how great live is across the wall. Me and my friends made an little internet society to discuss these great musical masterpieces of the IFA. So we wanted to invite the one and only expert about this, Günther Raubschaentze. We got the cucumber sandwiches ready (:
Sincerly, Maurer
Oh, I’m just a humble little official who works in a very large and complex government organization and I haven’t even received the Thälmann medal as a Schallplattenalleinunterhalter yet.
Despite the obvious risk of being accused of bribery, I’m very curious about those cucumber sandwiches. Are they from Spreewald? Can I eat as much margarine as I want as a complement to those cucumbers?
Yes! We got the Spreewaldhoffeldgurken, Spreewaldhofjungsgurken, Spreewaldhofsauregurken, Spreewaldhofsenfgurken, Spreewaldhofspreelinggurken und Spreewaldhofdillschnitten720ml. Fresh from the nearest Kaufhalle.
Sincerly, Maurer
If needed we also got NVA Feldsuppe if the cucumber sandwiches arent enough (:
Sincerly, Maurer
Ah yes, that delicious soup from Atomkraftwerk Rheinsberg. The army bombards this soup with neutrons to make it glow in the dark and therefore easier to see.
Oh, what a cucumber orgy!
And about the margarine! Ofcourse!
Dear Günther. When will a new batch of Vinyl’s Be produced. I searched every vinyl store in East Berlin but no IFA! How is this possible? Anyways your glasses are handsome. Where did you get them?
Good news! VEB Kunststoff-Verarbeitung Zschopau just produced 1200 metric tons of Polyvinyl Chloride.
My glasses are made of extra impact resistant Bakelite as I tend to fall off the stage from time to time. Now I can keep doing that without the risk of damaging the glasses.
Dear Günther. My friend sended me an audio file of the song Sessel aus Kassel as seen on the walls Djungeljims hål. So i ofcourse did the best thing an transformed it into an mp4 file because who doesnt wanna enjoy pictures while listening to IFA Wartburg. So i wanted to get permission from Heinz and Rolf to upload it to the very western but popular video site ”Youtube”. It would be awesome if you could ask them.
Sincerly, Maurer
Dear Maurer,
unfortunately, I have to inform you that there has never been a song with the title you provided. Furthermore, Kassel is not classified as a real city (because it is not in the GDR).
Stasi has for several years collected information about a group of Swedish youths pretending to be IFA Wartburg and they even make fun of our wonderful country. Watch out for them!
Would it be an orther band then?
Ill still publish it but say its not the real IFA Wartburg and that they should accept that.
Well, it’s a bit of a super sensitive issue so I had to pass the question to our Deputy Security Chief Bitte Rauchen. This is her reply:
We can neither confirm nor deny that it is actually the real IFA Wartburg playing on your recording. It is impossible that a recording tape dissappear here at the office due to our high security. We have everything under perfect control.
With socialist greetings
Bitte Rauchen
Deputy Head of Security
Thank you very much for the respond Günther. I made sure to warn the listeners that this isn’t the real IFA Wartburg.
Sincerly, Maurer
Is rolf still alive?
Dear Rick,
I have to check that because I had him over for dinner yesterday and my cooking is not the best.
Who are the other people on the photo? Are they still alive?
They are crisis actors from the army.
Allo Günther! Just wanted to say thank you to you and the wonderful comrades behind this amazing band. It’s been one of the things that’s been making me really happy recently. If you still talk to Heinz and Rolf, tell them I say hi! I’ve become completely obsessed with this band and the community surrounding it. Sending love and well-wishes to you, Heinz, Rolf and the rest of the group,
– Anne
Dear Anne,
I’m talking to them right now and all seven of them wish you happiness and prosperity!
Hi,
My son has been suffering from RAMPANT capitalism, after I showed your song to him he has been purified. Now he is a true comrade and unemployed because he’d not exceed socially necessary labor time with adequate pay.
Thank you comrade, this time we will build the socialist economy!
Nice to hear!
Dear Günther. A few days ago i went to my local DDR Speisegaststätte Pionierlager in East Berlin. Only to realise that my Kalter Hund looked suspicously much like the Berliner Mauer! Is this an secret messages to the west that the antifaschistischer schutzwall should be eaten by 1989? And directly be reported to the Ministerium für Staatssicherheit or is it to let us see how glorious our wall is! That we can display them on the best ways possible.
– Maurer
Yes, it is easy to overthink stuff, look too deeply into things and eventually indulge in magical thinking. Right now I am looking for som kind of healing therapy that can cure superstition.
Hallo Genosse Günther,
as a fellow STASI Mitarbeiter I’m currently undercover in the West to start a communist revolution. I’ve been told to just play your music ontop of the Eiffel tower “und der rest regelt sich von selbst”. Sadly this didn’t seem to work. Is there a secret frequency to play the red note and activate “revolution mode” in the brains of the French proletarians?
Sozialistische Grüsse,
Genosse Markus “Jean-Jaques Baguette Dupond” Volker
I understand how you feel. It is not easy to be a fragile artist and a subversive gentle rebel at the same time. I myself did pantomime theater for many years but stopped because I felt that I never got anything said through that artform.
Hello Comrade Gunther! I enjoy this bands music. I hope to enlist within Kampfgruppen der Arbeiterklasse, because of IFA Wartburg’s music!
Oh, that Sylvestered my Stallone. Smells like victory to me!
Hello,
I wish to have a private business discussion that involves millions with you and this would be of a great benefit to both parties if handled well.
Kindly response with your phone number for more details.
Thanks,
Brown De-cole
Hello Mr Brown!
Oh, that sounds so exciting! Millions of what? Spreewald cucumber perhaps?
We can talk here because I trust everyone who reads here. It’s kind of private here on the page. Everyone is a socialist and likes equality, your friends are my friends, etc.
I am not privileged to use a telephone but you can contact Bitte Rauchen. She is our security officer here.
Kind regards,
Günthie “the Gurkenfresser”
Dear Günther. How come the Im Dienste Des Sozialismus CD’S Are always sold out. The waiting list is even longer then the list for an Trabant!
Yes, apparently there are only bootlegs to buy in the West. Here in East Berlin (thank Erich H) we have as many gramophone records as the authorities have decided we want to have.
Ah. Is there any way i can get my hands on one here in the west even then whitout waiting for 15 years.? Are you guys able to get some past the Grenzpolizei?
Now you are provoking me to commit a series of very serious civil servant crimes which is something I would never ever do to my country and my people.
But let’s say I throw over an album exactly where the wall curves to the right just north of Axel Springer Verlag. I do it at 11:59pm tonight. But now you have to promise not to tell anyone about this. Ok?
I will be there! The stasi just doesnt have to spot me.
Hey comrade what happened? I was at the wall the entire night waiting for you to shout the magic word (Tally-Hooo!) as we said you should do. I could never throw the record because of that.
Hmm. Are you sure it didnt land in the dead strip? Cant find it anywhere
No I was out there the entire night hiding in those pee-stained bushes at the barbed wire fence waiting for you to shout the magic word. Luckily I have been sleeping all day long at my desk.
Genossen! Die Zeit ist reif für weitere Klangkunstwerke!
Wie siehts aus ? Kommt da nochmal was oder muss man sich mit den beiden Veröffentlichungen weiter begnügen !?
Sonnigst aus der Welthauptstadt des Friedens!
Hallo Kabanosse!
Wir haben den neuesten Fünfjahresplan überprüft und er gibt keinen klaren Hinweis darauf, worum es genau geht.
Mit anderen Worten: Wir können weder bestätigen noch dementieren, dass wir weitere Einträge vornehmen müssen.