THIS IS IFA WARTBURG
The most famous and best sounding pop group in the civilized world.
IFA Wartburg was created by the cultural committee of the East German government to force the young audience to like music that is politically healthy.
Therefore, IFA Wartburg only play songs that have a positive message about socialism, peace and friendship. That is a result of the fact that the music is written according to five-year plans formulated by the East German government.
Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski were chosen to front this project due to their non-degenerated appearance. In other words, they are the best examples available for the younger generation who always seeks for good comrades to idolize and identify with.
Heinz and Rolf were very honored to be chosen to organize this unique orchestra; a task for which their merits are just perfect:
HEINZ KLINGER
Educated at the University of Dresden and specialized in Industrial Infrastructure and Energy Support. Heinz is also an officer in the army and an eager spokesman for peace in a socialistic way.
ROLF KEMPINSKI
Educated at the University of Agriculture in Halle. Rolf is an expert of tractors and has also developed a new technique for cleaning harvesting machines.
Guten Abend!
I’m a big fan of your guys’ music but recently it seems that it’s been removed from spotify! I love the music and I hope it’s possible that it could one day be restored.
What is Spotify? Never heard of that. Is it a spy reciever?
Guten Tag, Genosse Günther!
I assume this is the place to inquire about all things IFA Wartburg. I am on a quest to ensure that all of the Band’s songs’ lyrics are recorded on the World Wide Web for the downtrodden people of the Decadent West to learn more about the perfect society of the DDR. And during my searches I found out an outrageous fact – the full lyrics to the song “Sorbisches Fischerlied” are nowhere to be found!
All transcriptions of this song out there are missing the last verse which is sung in the beautiful Sorbian language. And, indeed, none of IFA Wartburg’s fans active on the Web are proficient in this language enough to decipher that verse.
As such, I feel compelled to reach out directly to You as the Band’s representative and ask if You could provide us with the missing fragment of the song for it’s proper preservation on the Internet for the capitalist world to see.
Danke schön!
-Genosse Elia
Hello Elia!
There is a place located between Bautzen and Cottbus were you can go (if you have permission) and ask people nice and friendly about this because there has been some arguments going about some fishermen there who might be carpenters or real estate brokers but pretending to be fishermen just to be cool.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hello dear Günther, how are you ? As you may seen, IFA Wartburg came a bit but still more known by younger people nowadays so i had a question. Can we maybe expect or prey for a comeback before WW3 and the end of the world :3 ? ❤️
(PS: Sorry for bad english, capitalist birds are not good teachers. Thank you !)
Oh, that’s hard to answer because world wars can come suddenly but IFA records can’t because they have to be carefully planned and composed according to the need of music in the civilized part of our world.
hallo herr Raubschaentze
I was wondering if the band would ever visit the great city of sacramento California to spread the word and defence of socialism in the state of California
Yes, that would be nice!
Sometimes I am sitting here daydreaming about how it must be to live “over there” with all the hunger and poverty, pollution and crazy dogs eating all the children in Kindergarten. IFA Wartburg could really create a better atmosphere for you people over there.
Ifa comrades, in two weeks is my son’s birthday! Can he get a happy birthday from the best band in the civilized socialist world? We love your music! Listen to it almost everyday! His name is Noah. Thank you so much!
Send your son the most pleasant greetings!
Question of Günther, are you secretly a robot from the KGB that is responding to all of the comment?
Danke 😀
Oh, hello!
Nah, but I wish I was because this job is stressing the living daylight out of me. I have to answer different letters and also these spam mail that is coming in (I answer them too very polite) and after that I have to write “have worked” every week on a piece of paper and give it to a lady at the payroll office otherwise I don’t get discount coupons to buy cucumber and margarine. So my life is more stressful than many people think.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
That sounds like hard work, I would also hate not having my cucumbers and margarine😓
my condolences,
Christian Leard
Well, yeah I was a bit tired actually.
Hello,
I really like songs like “Wo ist mein Kässler” or “Im dienste des KGB” and I would love to see them on spotify to listen to them more practically. After all this crisis is solved (if hopefully solved) is there a way to upload it along with Im dienste des sozialismus album? Thanks comrade
Oh well, that is a difficult question. I have to take a look in an old book that I have here somewhere.
Hello Günther and Friends!
I would first like to say love from America, I really do adore your work, but I have two questions for you, if you don’t mind answering:
1. Recently, maybe a few weeks ago, your songs on Spotify were removed. Was it an issue with licensing, and I would like to ask if there is any way we could get them back on the service, as I had it in a playlist of mine.
2. There’s been a missing song called “Blind The Wind” (or The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet) that was played on German Norddeutscher Rundfunk (NDR) sometime during the mid-80s. I recommend listening to it, because the artist has been unknown for quite a while. I’m not that into the team who tries to find it, but I would like to kindly ask if you know anything about it.
Thanks for all the music!
(I may have submitted it many times, it is not showing on my end when I submit. I’m troubleshooting, hopefully.)
Aha, someone threw that cassette over the wall to us back in 1984 but we found it to be so bad that we threw it back again.
Hello,
it seems the band’s music has been taken down from uber-capitalist site Spotify. Sadly, for our Western kameraden is Spotify a reliable way to enjoy DDR’s finest music. I was wondering if work was being done to get the music back.
Greetings from (not yet People’s Republic of) the Netherlands.
Oh no. That was sad to hear. But in the end justice and the people will prevail as long as you take a deep breath and think twice every time.
Why did you get removed from Spotify…
You mean last week when I was removed from Bierstube Spitzefeind? Herr Ober said that the chair was broken but that was not true so I got a bit mad about that the throwed me out.
Hi, Günter!
I’m a new fan to IFA Wartburg and after listening to “Im dienste des Sozialismus”, I’ve absolutely engulfed myself in the amazing music Rolf and Heinz have made. I just had one question what I’ve been picking my brain about for a while: Where are Rolf and Heinz now? Do they still make music at Gorbyland or have they finally settled down, would love to hear more about them.
Yes, we all like that music and it would be a good thing for the humanity to see them together again. The best thing you can do is to write a letter to Professor Walther Rubenstamm, Abteilung Agrochemie des Instituts für Acker- und Pflanzenbau Müncheberg and tell him to move Heinz und Rolf back to Gorbyland.
Comrade do the tapes from the live performances still exist I’ve been trying to find them for a while now and cant seem to fine more than snippets from them
Yes, Paola took them and baked them in the oven because she is the world leader in baking tapes (I thought).
Turns out I misread her CV which says she’s the world’s best at baking Tapas, not tapes 🤷🏻♀️
I have eaten her Tapas and must say they were absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, we don’t have any more of them here in the office.
Kind regards,
Günthie
Did you know the capitalist company Heinz stole Heinz Klinger’s name
Yes, but I have come up with a much better ketchup that I call Perfchup (perfect ketchup).
I will name it after Comrade Heinz and start to compete with Heinz’s disgusting tomato sugar slime.
Klinger Perfchup will be the new perfect sauce for a Grilletta.
Hallo, Heinz und Rolf. Kommentar Ich möchte dem Thema “Frage an Heinz” widmen. Und grüßen Sie Rolf einfach aus Russland
Die Frage ist: Heinz, glauben Sie, dass der Sozialismus immer noch eine gute Regierungsform ist? schließlich ist es jetzt eine ganz andere Zeit und andere Menschen. jetzt gibt es viele Säufer, Obdachlose und nur Kapitalisten, die den Staat nicht regieren können. Vielleicht sollten wir besser Kommunismus sein?
Es ist wichtig, viele verschiedene Dinge im Leben zu haben, aber der Staat ist immer das Wichtigste. Es ist so schön dass man ihn fast häkeln möchte.
Mister Gunther, I was holiday-ing in Sweden, yes? And I talk to a Bread-and-Breakfast owner, staying in with him, his name is “Nils Lundwall” and he looks alot like comrade Heinz of IFA Wartburg, is this man a poser?
No, Comrade Klinger is no poser. He can be a bit grumpy these days actually. Especially after I broke his recorder.
Hello Günther,
I don’t know in which other tabs of the site I can contact you so I will do it through this one.
I am the admin of the r/ifawartburg and the members would love it if you could possibly post a little post there, or put a short article about it here for our milestone of 300 members (which is soon to come).
Thank you in advance!
Well okay for sure but what would you like me to write about then?
IFA Wartburg, please come to Brazil! Greetings from a brazilian IFA Wartburg fan.
Ei, que tal!
Foi sensato da parte do governo do Brasil criar um fã-clube da IFA para você, para que você não fique apenas pulsando nas nevascas de Copacabana comendo Bolinho de Bacalhau com Astrud Gilberto. Certa vez, me perdi na favela e acordei no Leblon vestindo uma roupa de coala cheia de urina em meio a uma pilha de fogos de artifício queimados. Foi uma viagem maravilhosa!
Seu fiel companheiro de carnaval.
Günther Raubschaentze
What does Honecker think of IFA Wartburg delaying their release of the yet-to-be released hits?
Dear Karl,
I am not allowed to be completely frank about Comrade Honecker because his strength was never thinking.
Dear Günther…
Thats the 3rd time i post a comment. I just want you to realize this. I just have some questions
Why did the group disband? And how are you guys now? And i have a little request, pease tell heinz that he is the love of my life.
Greetings from turkiye
Hi Elif!
Günther hier. I have been ordered by my boss to write this answer from her:
Dear Elif,
It is a common misconception spread by jealous and passive aggressive organizations in the West that IFA Wartburg would have split.
A government organization with 5000 employees is not terminated on emotional grounds like a banal basement band in the West.
With over 5,000 employees and a promise to soon become its own administrative authority, IFA Wartburg is now stronger than ever!
Mit sozialistischen Gruß,
Bitte Rauchen
Is Heinz okay after the horrible Grilletta incident? How is he feeling now, I send my condolences.
Oh, well, Heinz didn’t care at all. He even bought a new Grilletta for the uncle who tripped.
It is Bitte Rauchen who made such a big deal out of this and forced me to write that the whole thing was an attack on world peace and democracy and all that nonsense.
But I am not allowed to tell you the truth about this incident so please be quiet about it, ok?
why is Rolf trapped in sector 177B? and why can’t he get out?
I cannot tell you about that but what I know there is only a double in that camp to scare other inmates from wearing Blue-Jeans.
And nobody is trapped there. They want to be there for at least ten years to become better socialists.
Hello Comrade! I must ask, why did this wonderful band so quickly disband? Was it capitalist infiltration?
It is important to understand that IFA Wartburg will never dissolve. The idea is to protect democracy in a socialistic way.
Individuals should not be able to make hasty decisions that, for example, limit people’s freedom and right to listen to the music we choose for them as mandatory.
Dissolving the IFA Wartburg requires that the People’s Chamber make two identical decisions all the time and that those who disagree were home sick that day.
Dearest Günther,
If the DDR were to reform within the next few years, for whatever reason, would IFA Wartburg return to perform for Eurovision? Or do Heinz and Rolf only see Eurovision as a Capitalist scam to boost the music industry? I am Just Curious to Know,
Best Regards, Erich
Heinz and Rolf have steering documents that talk about what opinions they should have. We have never heard of a melody festival. Moreover, in the anti-capitalist world, all songs are exactly of equal value.
Genosse Günther,
Do you know what happend to our beloved Genossen Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski, and their doubles, after the very unfortunate fall of the Antifaschistische Mauer. I hope they, as well as you, are doing alright in this scary new world ruled by Capitalist Imperialism.
Kindest Regards,
Comrade Misha
Dear Comrade Misha,
the problem you describe is big and I know there is an inventory going on here at the agency to get back full control over all these doppelgangers. Many of them are hiding in west.
The best way to avoid a west is to always wear a slipover (like Rolf & Heinz).
Genosse Günther,
Thank you very much for you answer, I will buy a second pair slipovers just to be safe and to not run out of them. I hope both you and Genossen Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski are doing alright.
Yours Trully,
Comrade Misha
Yes, it’s a pretty smart way to always feel safe. I myself have bought five porridge-colored terylene suits to always look exactly as appetizingly inviting no matter what season it is out there.
Hello Günter
If possible I would love to invite you to my home for a little talk and tea with polonium. Write if possible my super secret communist bunker is 70km south east from Warsaw, also you can get Heinz and Rolf with you to have even better atmosphere
Aha, is it bunker 32 that has been renamed? As I remember it, the water there is too chalky for the tea to be good.
Dear Günther, My brother won’t stop blasting horrible western music in the car, What do I do?
Take care of him because he is your own brother after all. Ask him to stop the car and then scream right into his ear with a strange high pitched voice “Please let me out you irritating man!” and after that you never contact him again no matter what.
Hello, I am a great admirer of your músic, are you planning on going on a tour.
That would be really lovely. Last time, I got a lot of criticism for eating all the Berliners available back stage, which resulted in sanctions agains me as a comrade (among other things, I had to sleep in the henhouse, which was still relatively pleasant), so if there is a new tour, I really promise to at least try to control myself.
Komme was da wolle!
Dear greatest band of all times,
I hope this message finds you in good spirits. I’m curious, amidst your global conquest, how does it feel to have an undisputed fanbase in the Comecon?
Meine Grüße aus Mexiko
¡Es muy gratificante que haya camaradas en todas partes! ¡Espero que no te tropieces con ningún cactus y que tus Brigadeiros estén siempre frescos y bonitos!
We love your music!!!! We have only one request: we would like to order 500 tons of Grilletta. Is that possible?
We would be delighted!
Socialst greetings from Leipzig
Hello Leipzig!
We have send you all of this Grilletta to you just before Christmas and we hope that it has been to the greatest imaginable satiety and satisfaction.
Hello Gunther,
Greetings from Hong Kong!!!!! I am glad to inform you that thanks to Super-Youtube your soundwaves could also be heard (and greatly enjoyed) on the other side of the planet.
Tell me, what are the prospects of another tour, or live show in our lifetime? Me, and many of your faithful listeners I am sure, would love to hear you live or in person!!!!!!!
Take care in 2024-year, long live IFA Wartburg!
Greetings to you too King Kong! I don’t know if tours are needed these days. Many people prefer to read the music instead of listening to it. But if you want, I can write a letter to an aunt who knows a lot and ask her.
Günther 😍
Your new profile picture is wunderbar!
Thank you so much but it was terrible to actually take those pictures. I was forced to do it!
Gunther you got an haircut? It looks great for sure. Especcialy the combo whit the new honeckers glasses.
Thanks for the tip. Unfortunately, I had to take new pictures because my old picture (it was only 35 years old) was no longer similar to how I look. Pictures tend to get older over time.
I am a student and i am in love with the music this band made. Thank you all who are involved with ifa wartburg! I tell my fellow classmates about their socialist music and they do not understand. They are quite rude about it too! I think the kids of today are quite intolerant of socialist music like that of ifa wartburg and only listen to american-style pop music. I wish i could live on the other side of the wall in ost-berlin and hear ifa wartburg play in every home. that is my dream. 😞
thank you for all the wonderful music regardless!
– kay
Your classmates are just jealous. If you start handing out communist pamphlets on how to talk, eat and sit like a real socialist they will probably start following your example.
Halo, I am baldman from Indonesia, want to say that your music rock.
Dear Bald,
that was nice to hair! Sorry, hear.
Kind regards,
Günthie (I am almost bold to)
Dear Genosse Günther,
Is there any chance we could get the songs that aren’t in the album (Sorbische Fischerlied, Im Dienste des KGB, Das Mauer-Power, etc) into Spotify? Me and my party comrades would love to put it into our Stasi-approved playlists.
Thanks in advance,
Lorelaj Roždavoenni
Yes, as far as I know comrade Aloha Sickergrube is working on something much better.
Guten Abend Günther,
now that the great state-approved band “IFA Wartburg” has reached 3000 followers on the western online-video platform “YouTube”, will Rolf and Heinz be granted a short vacation in a state-owned hotel and be sent a present basket by the “Ministerium für Kultur”?
Mit sozialistischen Grüßen
Heinz Dieter Kalowski
Good morning Genosse Kalopski!
I really hope that they get a bucket full of sunshine, even if the gifts are a bit bourgeois. Unfortunately, Heinz is busy with his shaman studies and Rolf is still in sector 177B.
I’ll check with the office tomorrow to see if they can come up with something.
Yours,
Günther
do you happen to know Reverend Jürgen & Igor?
Do you mean Micha und Grischa?
mhh could be
Think they’ve got their state pensions after their circus bear went crazy at the Spreepark Festival 1988.
der klatschnasse Bär?
Nein, it was Kamelia van der Schwachbabbe.
Hello Günther, how much for one Heinz?
Oh, we only have two working doppelgangers of Heinz right now. The third was accidentally destroyed during last year’s pig hunt.
Dear Comrades at IFA Wartburg
We would first like to congratulate you on on Reaching the tremendous milestone of 2700 subscribers, very beautiful to see the world accepting the socialistic art of Rolf, Heinz, Günthie and the rest, furthermore were excited to see the unreleased works of IFA that are yet to come, how is the new sound engineer? Is the tape reel spinning going well?
Your Kameraden at The Coomers
Oh hi there, dear Coomernists!
And thank you for reminding us about those subscribers. I didn’t know that a subscription on IFA Wartburg was something voluntary.
Well, we have not seen Nimba Sturm since he mixed Wenn IFA Wartburg Spielt. Paola baked those IFA-tapes to perfection and Max Quatschke (our tape operator) put them in the tape recorder so everything is just waiting for Nimba Sturm to arrive. He was picked up for a STASI-hearing about four months ago. I hope that he will come back soon.
Good to hear from you Genosse Günther!
IFA Wartburg is the band with the most voluntary subscribers, as says the politburo, very good music in a socialistic way.
That is unfortunate to hear, we think Nimba Sturm did an excellent job mixing Wenn IFA Wartburg Spielt, hopefully he will be ready to be mixing again in no time!
How are is are you, Rolf and Heinz doing this time of year?
(very good time of year for music in the Coomernist world)
anyhow i hope this message reaches you well.
Yours Truly
The Coomers
I’m fine but I’m worried. We had such a great production team here with Paola Yevenes baking the tapes, Max Quatschke putting them in the tape machine and Nimba Sturm as the producer. But now everything has stopped for several reasons:
1. Rolf is still stuck in sector 177B and seems to be staying there for the rest of the year.
2. Heinz had a big fight with Paola because she thinks he is too Prussian. Heinz took it seriously and hired a shaman from Peru to become more relaxed or “Mañana” as Paola describes it. He is just sitting there in his room sneezing all the time.
-Aaah aaah Ayahuasca! is the sound of every sneeze.
3. Nimba has totally disappeared since the last 4 months and seems impossible to contact. I will visit his fancy penthouse in Gebirge Prenzlau tonight and knock his door.
4. Max has taken a break from waiting for Nimba to come back and finds it hard to have a break instead of waiting. He cries a lot.
In addition, our department has a hiring freeze due to The cucumber crisis. We continue to work with only 6,400 employees but we will see what happens in the future.
Kind regards,
Günther
Hallo, Ifa comrades, last week was my birthday! Can I get a happy birthday from the best sounding and most popular band in the civilized socialist world?
Congratulations and happy birthday!
I sincerely hope you didn’t get a gift because gifts are capitalistic.
With socialist greetings,
Günthie
I did get some gifts, but all of them related to the glorious DDR! The politburo would be most pleased by my growing socialist collection!
That is nice!
Just don’t forget to declare for your collection so you don’t have more stuff than someone else who might get jealous because of that.
Hello Günther,
Would you be able to provide information on when Heinz and Rolf had their birthdays? I’m quite curious as I couldn’t find anything on that, or maybe I just missed it. Anyway, I was hoping you could tell me
Aha, you want to send them gifts. Then keep in mind that it is unfair giving gifts because those who do not have a birthday the same day does not get any gift at all. Therefore, we have banned gifts to make people more happy. The only thing Heinz and Rolf wish for is peace on earth in a socialistic way.
No, no, no gifts. I know gifts are for capitalists. I was just curious. I just wanted to be able to wish them a happy birthday in a socialist-friendly way.
Yes, that is good Friedrich. Use May 1 for both of them.
Kind regrds,
Günther
Dear Günther are you open for an interview about IFA Wartburg.
Freundliche Grüße aus die Niederlanden
I am just a simple civil servant whith full freedom of speech so it is absolutely no problems with an interview. Send your questions to our beloved comrade Deputy Intelligence Officer Dr. Bitte Rauchen at our security department so that the security check can be carried out acording to our Freedom of speech-regulations.
Dear Deputy Intelligence Officer Dr, Bitte Rauchen und Günther Raubschaentze. These are my questions!
1: How was IFA Wartburg formed!
2: Why does my Der Berliner CD and my Im Dienste Des Sozialismus Vinyl say that the Music is made by ”Nils Lundwall” and ”Magnus Michaeli’
3: What bakery makes the best Berliners in the whole DDR?
4: Will there be a next preformance, And if yes. Where?
5: What’s the best vacation spot in the DDR.
6: How much Watt does the Gorbyland generator create?
7: Why are songs like, Sorbische Fischerlied and Im Dienste des KGB Not on any album.
8: Will a new album come?
9: Why is there a big portrait of the Swedish queen on my vinyl
10: Do you use Fernmeldeturm Schäferberg in Potsdam to watch western shows?
Hello there! How can I post you the answers? They are secret but goes as follows:
1. By pressing Baumwolle an Phaenolenharts and steam into a mold at 5 Bar.
2. That is quite common. Many bootlegs are in circulation. Especially in KA.
3. Kaufhaus Wertheim
4. I hope so. I would love it! Last week I changed the bulb in the overhead projector.
5. Oh, that is impossible to say. So much to see, so much to do. If you have permission to go on vacation.
6. It is changed to a new one. The original Hauptgerät was destoyed by those Millennial Bugs eating everything in Gorbyland. But it can produce around 10 MW needed to light up our Albanian Compressor/Limiter.
7. They are but only in the civilized world.
8. That would be a great thing but I have not seen Nimba Sturm since he mixed Wenn IFA Wartburg Spielt.
9. That must be horrifying. Can you get rid of it with some Polonium 210?
10. We would never spy on anything. That is not nice.
Kind regards,
Günther
Oh yeah. One more question: Do you drive an Trabant or an Wartburg?
And that polonium 210 looked so delicious. I ate some with my Spreewaldgurken. But now my stomach feels as bad as the west German parliament.
Unfortunately, my eyesight is so bad that I don’t know what kind of car I have. So that’s why I love to be out driving really fast in the East German night without lights.
Eat margarine for the Spreewald cucumber. It’s tastier.
Regards,
Günthie
Günther is a true Volksgenosse! He’s also really cute :3
Thanks, I’m blushing! I have the state to thank for my beauty. I have been assigned hairstyle number 13 according to the Beauty Council’s most recommended looks.
Genossen! Die Zeit ist reif für weitere Klangkunstwerke!
Wie siehts aus ? Kommt da nochmal was oder muss man sich mit den beiden Veröffentlichungen weiter begnügen !?
Sonnigst aus der Welthauptstadt des Friedens!
Hallo Kabanosse!
Wir haben den neuesten Fünfjahresplan überprüft und er gibt keinen klaren Hinweis darauf, worum es genau geht.
Mit anderen Worten: Wir können weder bestätigen noch dementieren, dass wir weitere Einträge vornehmen müssen.
Dear Günther. How come the Im Dienste Des Sozialismus CD’S Are always sold out. The waiting list is even longer then the list for an Trabant!
Yes, apparently there are only bootlegs to buy in the West. Here in East Berlin (thank Erich H) we have as many gramophone records as the authorities have decided we want to have.
Ah. Is there any way i can get my hands on one here in the west even then whitout waiting for 15 years.? Are you guys able to get some past the Grenzpolizei?
Now you are provoking me to commit a series of very serious civil servant crimes which is something I would never ever do to my country and my people.
But let’s say I throw over an album exactly where the wall curves to the right just north of Axel Springer Verlag. I do it at 11:59pm tonight. But now you have to promise not to tell anyone about this. Ok?
I will be there! The stasi just doesnt have to spot me.
Hey comrade what happened? I was at the wall the entire night waiting for you to shout the magic word (Tally-Hooo!) as we said you should do. I could never throw the record because of that.
Hmm. Are you sure it didnt land in the dead strip? Cant find it anywhere
No I was out there the entire night hiding in those pee-stained bushes at the barbed wire fence waiting for you to shout the magic word. Luckily I have been sleeping all day long at my desk.
Hello Comrade Gunther! I enjoy this bands music. I hope to enlist within Kampfgruppen der Arbeiterklasse, because of IFA Wartburg’s music!
Oh, that Sylvestered my Stallone. Smells like victory to me!
Hallo Genosse Günther,
as a fellow STASI Mitarbeiter I’m currently undercover in the West to start a communist revolution. I’ve been told to just play your music ontop of the Eiffel tower “und der rest regelt sich von selbst”. Sadly this didn’t seem to work. Is there a secret frequency to play the red note and activate “revolution mode” in the brains of the French proletarians?
Sozialistische Grüsse,
Genosse Markus “Jean-Jaques Baguette Dupond” Volker
I understand how you feel. It is not easy to be a fragile artist and a subversive gentle rebel at the same time. I myself did pantomime theater for many years but stopped because I felt that I never got anything said through that artform.
Dear Günther. A few days ago i went to my local DDR Speisegaststätte Pionierlager in East Berlin. Only to realise that my Kalter Hund looked suspicously much like the Berliner Mauer! Is this an secret messages to the west that the antifaschistischer schutzwall should be eaten by 1989? And directly be reported to the Ministerium für Staatssicherheit or is it to let us see how glorious our wall is! That we can display them on the best ways possible.
– Maurer
Yes, it is easy to overthink stuff, look too deeply into things and eventually indulge in magical thinking. Right now I am looking for som kind of healing therapy that can cure superstition.
Hi,
My son has been suffering from RAMPANT capitalism, after I showed your song to him he has been purified. Now he is a true comrade and unemployed because he’d not exceed socially necessary labor time with adequate pay.
Thank you comrade, this time we will build the socialist economy!
Nice to hear!
Allo Günther! Just wanted to say thank you to you and the wonderful comrades behind this amazing band. It’s been one of the things that’s been making me really happy recently. If you still talk to Heinz and Rolf, tell them I say hi! I’ve become completely obsessed with this band and the community surrounding it. Sending love and well-wishes to you, Heinz, Rolf and the rest of the group,
– Anne
Dear Anne,
I’m talking to them right now and all seven of them wish you happiness and prosperity!
Who are the other people on the photo? Are they still alive?
They are crisis actors from the army.
Is rolf still alive?
Dear Rick,
I have to check that because I had him over for dinner yesterday and my cooking is not the best.
Dear Günther. My friend sended me an audio file of the song Sessel aus Kassel as seen on the walls Djungeljims hål. So i ofcourse did the best thing an transformed it into an mp4 file because who doesnt wanna enjoy pictures while listening to IFA Wartburg. So i wanted to get permission from Heinz and Rolf to upload it to the very western but popular video site ”Youtube”. It would be awesome if you could ask them.
Sincerly, Maurer
Dear Maurer,
unfortunately, I have to inform you that there has never been a song with the title you provided. Furthermore, Kassel is not classified as a real city (because it is not in the GDR).
Stasi has for several years collected information about a group of Swedish youths pretending to be IFA Wartburg and they even make fun of our wonderful country. Watch out for them!
Would it be an orther band then?
Ill still publish it but say its not the real IFA Wartburg and that they should accept that.
Well, it’s a bit of a super sensitive issue so I had to pass the question to our Deputy Security Chief Bitte Rauchen. This is her reply:
We can neither confirm nor deny that it is actually the real IFA Wartburg playing on your recording. It is impossible that a recording tape dissappear here at the office due to our high security. We have everything under perfect control.
With socialist greetings
Bitte Rauchen
Deputy Head of Security
Thank you very much for the respond Günther. I made sure to warn the listeners that this isn’t the real IFA Wartburg.
Sincerly, Maurer
Dear Günther. When will a new batch of Vinyl’s Be produced. I searched every vinyl store in East Berlin but no IFA! How is this possible? Anyways your glasses are handsome. Where did you get them?
Good news! VEB Kunststoff-Verarbeitung Zschopau just produced 1200 metric tons of Polyvinyl Chloride.
My glasses are made of extra impact resistant Bakelite as I tend to fall off the stage from time to time. Now I can keep doing that without the risk of damaging the glasses.
Dear Günther. Me and my western friends love your great socialistic tunes. We are learning how great live is across the wall. Me and my friends made an little internet society to discuss these great musical masterpieces of the IFA. So we wanted to invite the one and only expert about this, Günther Raubschaentze. We got the cucumber sandwiches ready (:
Sincerly, Maurer
Oh, I’m just a humble little official who works in a very large and complex government organization and I haven’t even received the Thälmann medal as a Schallplattenalleinunterhalter yet.
Despite the obvious risk of being accused of bribery, I’m very curious about those cucumber sandwiches. Are they from Spreewald? Can I eat as much margarine as I want as a complement to those cucumbers?
Yes! We got the Spreewaldhoffeldgurken, Spreewaldhofjungsgurken, Spreewaldhofsauregurken, Spreewaldhofsenfgurken, Spreewaldhofspreelinggurken und Spreewaldhofdillschnitten720ml. Fresh from the nearest Kaufhalle.
Sincerly, Maurer
If needed we also got NVA Feldsuppe if the cucumber sandwiches arent enough (:
Sincerly, Maurer
Ah yes, that delicious soup from Atomkraftwerk Rheinsberg. The army bombards this soup with neutrons to make it glow in the dark and therefore easier to see.
Oh, what a cucumber orgy!
And about the margarine! Ofcourse!
I’m really enj᧐ying the design and layout of
уour blog. It’s a verу eaѕy on the eyes whuch makes it much more рleasant for me tto come here and visit more often. Did
you hire out a designer to crеate youг theme? Fantastic work!
Guten Tag!
The design and layout was built by Rohrwerk III, VEB Stahl- und Walzwerk Riesa. It was 150 designers working on the theme during the first five years of building and construction.
Greetings, mister Raubschaentze! I have to ask, what is your opinion on the Eurovision Song Contest?
The Eurovision Song Contest is good when first prize goes to the pop band that satisfies people’s yearning for socialism the most.
Hello günter! I’ve heard a bit of recorder during some IFA Wartburg songs, is it true one of the members carried a recorder?
Danke!
Yes, if they have a license to carry a recorder, which is classified as a weapon in many countries. Especially in the hands of school children.
i dont know if my comments are arriving
respond if so
No. Send it again and press the keys much harder.
After a lot of time and keyboards
I’ve found one to press hard enough one
My question was
When are the new live concerts coming you said to upload a few years ago
We are working a lot on it and trying to understand where the pointed stick and all the polythene bags, rock and roll nightsticks and cupboards full of hot dogs have gone. We bought sausages for one more tour, but that was back in 1999, so it is not certain that those sausages are 100% fresh and healthy anymore.
sounds delicious
Yes, with Spreewald cucumber and rotten cheese milk on top.
i live in sweden and my neighbor looks an awful lot like rolf kempinski his name is Magnus Michaeli
is it him?
Dear Uaz,
I do not want to be confrontational or dismissive in any way but the last official stationing I have for Sergeant Kempinski is at 84B sector 781.
I appear to have met a spy i see
We are currently investigating the incident.
Hello Comrades at IFA Wartburg, We were wondering if the chords to any of your song were available, we are a like minded band wanting to do a tribute album!
-The Coomers
Hello Coomers,
chords are not really needed nowadays because they are already built into the songs in a very nice way which makes listening easy. Reading music is something people did back in the early days.
Swedish humour be like:
We’ll compose this catchy, fun and even hearth moving songs, employing professional audio production as satire and just tell it to germans.
It’s just an old rumor that IFA Wartburg is a Swedish pop band. It is also a rumor that we East Germans would lack a decent sense of humor. We know exactly when we see something funny and when it’s appropriate to laugh. Today, for example, my old friend Uwe accidentally rode his bike down a cliff and knocked out his front teeth and suffered a severe concussion. I immediately started laughing so hard that my tears flowed and continued to do so for the rest of the day.
When will we get IFA Wartburg merchandise? I desperately need a Heinz bobblehead for my work desk!
-Eduard Ritter (Ministry of Transportation)
Our lignite is selling fantastically well at the moment. If you order 3,000 tons of lignite before November 1, you get a coal shovel for free.
I just want Günter to write me a reply, if it’s not too much to ask.
Ja ja!
I saw the most recent video on the youtube channel and I can’t wait to see if the lost tapes will get uploaded! I’ve fallen in love with your music and it’s so lovely to see that there’s still some activity going on, hope you’re all having a good day
Ja!
Günther, i wanted to ask if there is any way to buy ifa wartburg merch by any chance? I enjoy this glorious music quite a lot and would be very interested in supporting ifa wartbrug besides buying tons of steel, say like clothing or mugs. lots of love -iateawoman
Hallo Günther, i just wanted to say that you are extremely handsome
Thank you! I use Style No 13 in the Recommended DDR Looks Table.
Hallo, Günther
I have to ask this, what is your political function in our lovely democracy?
Since you, genosse have much experience with sound i think honecker should promote you to people’s commisar of noise.
Best wishes, and good harvest.
Yes, I used to work as a rubber ear for STASI so I know a lot about sound and microphones.
Does anyone know how Heinz and Rolf are doing? I haven’t heard from them in a while… We all would love some new music to help drown out this awful capitalist propaganda that they call “Gimme More”.
Who is Gimme More?
Ifa Wartburg, all the music, is insanely good. I really enjoy it, so I thank you for this website and your activity. If you still talk to Heinz & Rolf can you tell them I say “hello” and that I really enjoy their music and it inspires me to keep doing work for my German class lol? Thank you so much for maintaining this website and offering your knowledge Günther!
Harriet 🙂
Hello Harriet,
nice to hear that you like Heinz and Rolf. Unfortunately, they chose to quit our music department due to their lack in formal training. All musicians know that it is impossible to work with music without proper knowledges in Record keeping, Secrecy testing, application of the Public Administration Act etc.
Hello, Greetings From South America!
I really enjoy listening to IFA Wartburg, everything is awesome. This music breaks borders it its truly a masterpiece. Thank you for mainting this website it is an historical piece for all the fans. Also I have a question, will the band with Heinz and Rolf comeback with a new album or a live performance? I’m really hoping to it.
Well, that would be a nice thing but at the last gig I was very hungry and ate all the Berliners backstage (it was only 27 Berliners left so I barely noticed). I am afraid that Heinz still might be a bit irritated at me because of that.
Hello Raubschaentze, Heinz, Rolf and the whole group. Thank you for answering fan questions. I am also a fan. I was deeply impressed by your music (in a good way), and I heard you for the first time in 2021 on a winter evening. There is something in your music that turns you on and pleases, there is optimism, a lot of jokes. At the beginning of 2022, I started collecting vinyl records (I note that I also have an Amiga record from the GDR (Puhdys group record)). And I decided to look if there is a vinyl record of your band or a CD and a cassette. In the end, I found that you released the album on CD (I’m going to buy it soon), but also found information that you released the album on vinyl as well (I note that there is a photo of the record on the discogs site, but it does not look like that it is real), that is: was the album released on vinyl? If so, can you provide evidence, for example in the form of a photograph? More questions: are you going to come back and record a new album (even if only one, I’ll still be very happy)? Will the full recording from your concert in 1999 be released? Do you have songs that you have never made public? Can you give any exclusive news related to your band? I’m really looking forward to your return. Thank you.
And why did you stop your musical activity in 1999?
We had huge problems with Millennial Bugs in the studio at the time. But now we have ordered a strong insect repellent so that problem will soon be fixed.
Dear VAZ,
the material used for that record was several bitumen derivatives carefully combined with a metal catalyst fed into a steam boiler under high pressure and carefully monitored process temperatures. The photo on the record is double sided but that does not affect the sound.
Where are the band members now?
Dear Abba.
Living on the go with a secret identity is quite challenging and we are not authorized to provide physical addresses to any of our employees. Of course, we respect their privacy by not spying on them more than necessary.
Dear IFA Wartburg
Your beautiful German pop has rid the world for the repugnant capitalistic music of the past, but as soon as you appeared you disappeared, now the world needs you more than ever.
LOVE – Bernard Giovann
Thanks for your feedback! Right now we are developing an effective way to communicate peace and socialism via anniversary plates.
Hello,
my friend Dot has been acting extremely capitalist recently, I have tried to open his eyes by showing him the enlightening music made by Comrades Heinz and Rolf, but he has instead turned to capitalistic activities such as consuming products and not reading the entirety of you blog posts. How can I tell him that his lifestyle is wrong and he must turn to socialism if he wishes to repent and become a better person.
Thank you Günther, I need your help desperately.
Yes, we already know everything about him. He will be trained by party comrade H. Witzbeutel in how to use his brain in a more socialistic way.
Big fan. Thoughts on toupees? Thanks.
I have heard rumors about addictive use of toupees among those degenerate rock bands in the western countries. The manager selects some nice toupees in the audience, sends them up to the rock stars’ hotel rooms where the toupee orgies begin. But IFA Wartburg is a decent band that is forbidden to take advantage of toupees.
Does IFA Wartburg still play music?
Dear Comrade Chum,
most of the playing is done with artificial unintelligence these days.
Comrade Günther,
The people DEMAND IFA WARTBURG!
Scandinavia screams for some more Communist music!
Comrade Günther!
Comrade Günther!
The people yearn for ideological correct music!
Wird es ein neues Album und eine Nordkorea-Tournee geben?
Kim Young Pung just informed us that North Korea has all the music needed to achieve peace and freedom.
Is the band working on something and/or atleast will have any new performances?
Yes, we have to change the Multiband Depression Unit again and also buy a brand new De-Sucker.
is IFA Wartburg created by the gdr government or is it just pure satire? i am very curious
IFA Wartburg was created by the government as part of the Cultural Reform with the aim of increasing human happiness, creating conditions for peace and producing more freedom in a socialistic way.
Is this band satire? i saw a yt vid posting your song “freie deutsche jugend” and they said in the description that it is satire. Is this true? Thank you
Your question is handed over to Zentralverwaltung zur Verwirklichung des demokratischen Gehens, Sprechens und Sitzens.
I believe it was satirical in a certain way, back in the ddr you couldnt just critizise the goverment so people used jokes and satire instead i guess its satire but at the same time the text doesnt attack the ddr goverment and the socialist ideology inside the ddr so its kinda like a dog whistle it sounded pro goverment to the officials and non suspecting while the others which understood the underlying message could have a good laught. Humor in the eastern block is very complex tho
I do not really understand. What would there be to joke about in the GDR? Everything in our society is perfect and is also constantly updated thanks to our talented comrades in the party.
Is Heinz Klinger single?
No he is a double for safety reasons.