Lignite (Brown Coal)
Lignite, often referred to as brown coal, is a soft brown combustible sedimentary rock that is formed from naturally compressed peat.
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Product Price: |
RUB3,000.22 |
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Product Shipping: |
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Product Features
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Color |
Brown/Black |
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Size |
Big |
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Weight |
1300 lbs |
Buy Lignite from The GRD! You can buy it from us by a regular order. It will be delivered by boat.
Harvesting Machines
Combinat Fortschritt – the largest producer of agricultural machinery is educated in 1951 by association of five independent factories of Northern Saxony which was engaged in production of agricultural, construction and woodworking machinery.
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Product Price: |
RUB50,000.00 |
Product Features
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Weight |
15000000 Gram |
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Effect |
1200000000 Joule |
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Color |
Yellow |
Buy your own dream of agricultural machinery! Since 1978 the combinat have been engaged in production of agricultural, construction and woodworking machinery. Production of harvester combines, ballers, mowers. History of combines production in GDR.
These harvesters will only be delivered in minimum quantities of one hundred.
Steel
VEB Rohrkombinat Stahl Und Walzwerk Riesa delivers high quality steel for your needs!
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Product Price: |
RUB30.00 |
Find out the latest new steel offers and attractive deals from our modern steel mill. Please contact us for information about all our new offers and enquire some samples from your local Retailer.
Pricing is per metric ton.
Polonium
Let our Nuclear Power Stations produce polonium for you!
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Product Price: |
RUB25,000.00 |
Product Features
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Weight |
1 Gram |
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Taste |
None |
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Use |
Injection LD50 |
The history of our polonium production is inextricably linked to the visionary spirit of Alexander Schalck-Golodkowski. In 1955, he specialized in the distribution of this substance. He began to dream of an alpha emitter that really made people happy. Neutrons were not very precise at the time, but Alexander Schalck-Golodkowski foresaw that they could become not only elegant, but also reliable.
May not be delivered to all countries
Dear Gunther
Your steel is very low quality and I have found one harvester stuck in customs
Rapport aus Eisenhüttenstadt:
Because we are switching to green coal in our steelworks. Green steel is cooked with grönkål from the Ministry of Eco-Socialism instead of the old stinky brown coal.
Dear Gunther,
I wish to support as much as possible the glorious DDR regime, thus i was wondering if you had any plans to expand the spread of Socialism through “merchandising” by exploiting capitalism from the inside.
Mes incéres salutations, Miko from Belgium.
Ah, cher Miko from Belgium!
We strongly oppose any commercialization of our cause. Selling merchandise (T-shirts, mugs, Trabant keychains proclaiming “Long live socialism!”) would be the ultimate betrayal—turning revolution into profit, exploiting capitalism from the inside only to become it. No, comrade! We refuse to peddle pins, patches or posters for bourgeois money. The glorious DDR spreads through pure ideology, brown-coal hymns and proletarian solidarity—not through shop shelves.
Our “merch” remains strictly non-commercial: free downloads, shared cassettes, and the occasional gifts to everybody who needs it. The only thing that you need to do is give us money back, also completely free and 100% as a gift. Otherwise we would always be the ones giving things away and we believe in equality so we want everybody to give the same value or more back to us in the form of money (we can even handle US Dollar).
Solidarische Grüße aus Ost-Berlin,
Günther Raubschaentze
Dear Gunther,
As I understand it, Polonium is best used when mixed with cinnamon or some other spice, but unfortunately my last spices were expended in the construction of the Mauer. Are there some other additives that go well with such an ingredient?
Yours truly, and recently fired from the Gesundheitsministerium,
Carl
Yes, I have heard that combining strontium-90 and potassium-40 can make a tasty powder that people want on their snacks. Just tell them that it is fission chips.
dear gunther
whats your opinion on west germany?
That is a terrible part of Germany where people are starving and they do not have any friends (comrades) so they are quite lonely.
hallo herr Gunther
everyone at stasi been wondering would pollonium work on west spies? there’s a lot of them nowadays.
Yes, it works great and everyone dies, but tell them it doesn’t work at all and then they’ll want to try eating it out of curiosity. Spies are very curious by nature.
Hello, I recently took delivery of a 80 wagon train of Lignite and it smells awful! Please, do you have any suggestions on how to limit the smell my guests have been complaining.
Well, it was probably that conference at the Pig Research Institute where they confused the annual production of Lignite with the most popular perfume among agricultural workers that year (Stinkbude Waldheim no 5, it is not as bad as it smells because I have used it myself).
We ask for your indulgence due to the incident.
Don’t forget that there is no such thing as a bad smell, only capitalist hell.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hello My Comrades. My smelly W*stern cousin only listens to smelly W*estern music. Will IFA Wartburg cds ever be produced again so I can purchase one and bless him with glorious East German Socialist Bliss
Yes, but first we have to get more material. The polystyrene factory blew up last spring so we don’t know.
Hallo! I had ordered 10 kilograms of polonium from der website in 1989. However it has been many many years. Where is mein polonium? Ich am definitely not making secret radiation weapons with it, it is definitely not why I need the polonium no. I need it for…. uh… Mein sohn’s birthday ja. So when will my polonium arrive?
Yes, we know it would take a while for it to arrive so we never sent it because the half-life is only 138 days for polonium-210 so it will hardly arrive anyway no matter how much we send because it will only be the half amount after 138 days. The other aspect is that we work quite slowly here (or thoroughly as we usually call it).
Good day Herr Genosse Raubschäntze,
as of recent events I am in fear that the capitalists will take away the wonderful music of our motherland. They also seem to be trying to regulate the market and stop the physical distribution of the music.
So, I am trying to get my hands on a beautiful vinyl of our glorious IFA Wartburg music. As the capitalists are making things difficult, I was wondering if you know any way on how to smuggle one past the capitalists and get it?
I wish you kind greetings from Germany, the country that should‘ve never been united.
We can always ship vinyl in metric tons by freighter. Right now you can’t order directly from the factory because the big tank that held the vinyl grease cracked last year but I’ll check to see if it’s sealed now.
Hello Günther,
I have a question, I saw your video “The lost tapes of IFA Wartburg” and saw there two songs which I’ve never heard of before. I am talking about Krim and Kathanin (I guess it’s really their writing is a mess XD), so I was wondering if the songs will be ever available on YouTube channel (it would mean a lot for me).
Btw I also found old IFA Wartburg (I didn’t find it anywhere on the site, so I don’t know if you know about it) and it’s this:
I wish you best regards from Czechia and I also wanna say that I truely honor you for everything you’re doing for the community.
Well, just for your information, Katharina moved to Prötzgaße 12 in Knösleben so Heinz just don’t want to sing about her that often these days, of course. It’s not nice to live there in the right socialist way.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Greetings comrades
I would like to file a formal complaint regarding the overly bourgeois nature of this web shop.
This web shop is encouraging capitalism by selling products such as polonium, instead of disturbing it to the workers.
Instead, please consider properly distributing the means of production between the workers in future.
Thank you,
The Ghost of Karl Marx
Ok, that is noted.
Which other isotope of polonium would you like to buy then? We prefer polonium 210 for the short half-life. Strontium 90 has such a weird bitter aftertaste.
I recently bought some polonium and quite simply don’t know what to do with it. Are there any tasty food recipes that I can use my polonium to make? Constantly being forced to consume kapitalist meals has left me hungry!
It is most often used in tea.
Cant wait to try out some guy just put this in my drink!
It’s luminous! Especially above 400 Bq/h so I can recommend it.
Guten tag,
I’m planning on hosting a party, how much polonium-210 would you recommend serving to the guests with the champagne?
Kind regards,
Alexis Blackman
Oh, lots of questions about polonium these days. It’s not really my field because I never passed the entrance exams for the Stasi spy school (I got stuck in a pipe you had to crawl through).
ive noticed my bones have disappeared since ive used polonium 210
is this normal?
Yes, it is a minor side effect that only affects about 70% so we have not printed it on the warning label. On the other hand, it is a good method for removing bones from fish.
i get that it would be a waste of ink putting it on the label
thanks for the cooking tip
Yes, we would have to print completely new labels in such case just for such a small trifle. We printed 100,000 labels back in 1979 and they have to run out before we can print new ones.
I have more cooking tips if you want. I am planning to write a cookbook about my most tempting delicacies. The book should be called “Mein Topf”.
Regards,
Günther
Guten tag
How much for 5000 kilograms of lignite?
Hello,
I am sorry to tell you that I do not really know at the moment because I was sent on a sudden vacation in Hotel Hohenschönhausen for some weeks now again. But if you only shop for a dime then the price is always the same all the time. Then there are also different scents if you want your coal fire to smell like Magdeburg or Bautzen.
Guten Tag.
I would like to order Steel on the scale of 24600 metric tons. As well as a quantity of Polonium. Is it possible to arrange a better deal on shipping if they are shipped together?
Guten Tag.
The steel is out of stock at the moment. Would it work just as good with cotton wool soaked in phenolic resin? We just got a cancelled order from a famous car production unit trying to build a plastic military tank.
What flavor do you want for your polonium-210?
Guten tag,
We are ammenable to the proposition of Duroplast as we believe it could prove possible to build hulls for supersonic nuclear bombers. We would like an initial smaller order of 2600 metric tons with the option of an increased order in case it proves valuable to the aerospace industry or perhaps to build baby furniture.
As for the Polonium, apple if available otherwise Vita-Cola flavor.
Dear comrade Stalin,
We just noted that your name is Stalin. That name is not valid at the post office. It is allowed to make an order under a pseudonym if you choose one currently available:
1. Billy Rubin
2. Julian Lasagne
3. Jack Russell
4. Stinkon Stanković
5. Xerxes das Boot
Please answer within 24 hours. Otherwise you can answer whenever you feel for it or when you have time.
Kind regards,
Günther
I’m waiting for my shipment of 20 Combinat Fortschritt for a small project and they still haven’t arrived? Could you please tell me what happened with the combines?
Ah, it’s 15 years of waiting when you buy our harvesters. We forgot to mention that because it might result in negatively affected sales.
Can we offer you something else instead? Right now we have newly prepared extra fine Polonium 210 on the shelf. The finest Alpha emitter you can give your worst friend.
How much are they, and would they fit in Trabant 601?
Thank you very much!
Yes, if you push them in so quickly that they don’t have time to get stuck.
Have you used the alpha emitter before on your enemies? Is it any good? I’m anxious because last time I bought an alpha emitter it blew up right in my face.
We are comrades. We do not have any enemies.
Greeting Günther,
If I am to order 2 grams Polonium, could I get a free T-shirt?
So I could wear it when I move the the glorious DDR.
Greetings,
Fritz F. Mauer
Dear Fritz,
the easiest is to order 3000 metric tons of Lignite to get the T-shirt for free. You only need to send us an import permit from your government.
Dear Gunther,
I recently ordered some steel to use for my university project, however that was a year ago and I still haven’t recieved an update on my order. Do you know what happened?
Yes, hello. Well, we haven’t found a cardboard box good enough box because we smashed the last one while harvesting radishes.
When will polonium with flavor be in stock and/or when will lossless tracks be available and thank you.
Yes, it is flavored with water to make it easier to swallow quite accidentally.
id like to order 15 harvesting machines
If you order 25 you also get one T-shirt for free.
deal
You got to show us the discount coupons first. Otherwise we cannot send the harvesting machines and they can easily get stuck in customs (they are huge).
223-56434 1334-43
That code is only for the T-Shirt.
Hey Guenther, I recently ordered some A glorious east German harvester, but when I look at the order status it appears to be stuck in w*stern customs. Do you how how I can get it trough these uncivlliized barbaric Kaputtalist non IFA-Wartburg listening pigs?
Dear Mr. Hollow Balls,
We are sorry to hear about your harvester that got stuck in customs. It is strange because we greased it with Klarinettenschmalz to help it brake on through to the other side. But as you probably know, life is difficult in the West.
We will compensate for the loss and send you a new harvester immediately.
would it be pissoble to buy actual merch like t-shirts to support the glorious DDR
Pissoble?
Why buy tshirts from a webshop when you can buy polonium!
Lieber Herr Raubschaentze,
Ich habe neulich manche Polonium gekauft aber ich weiß nicht, wie ich es nutzen kann. Haben Sie Rezepte mit Polonium, oder könnten Sie vielleicht mir Anregungen zur Verwendung meines Poloniums geben?
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Herr Bujah Ujah J Gasnu
Dear Herrn Bujah.
Mix raspberries and polonium and bring it to the boil. Whisk in Gelatine, pour in a jar and let it cool of. Put on a nice etiquette and write “Omas leckeres Himbeergelee ohne Zucker”. Give the jar to someone you used to like.
VERY GOOD!
Unfortunately, we have to tell you that your order for 125,000 tonnes of Lignite has got stuck in customs due to how narrow that tiny passage is.
We will get back to you as soon as we have found a solution how to wrench out the freighter.