Being at the top

Finally I have made that Tier list that everybody is asking for. I will now present our Tier List as an official ideological classification from the Ministry of Animal Affairs and the Central Committee for Proletarian Fauna.

GEHEIM – MINISTERIUM FÜR TIERISCHE ANGELEGENHEITEN (MfTA) Operativer Vorgang: “Tierkameradschaft Im Dienste des Sozialismus” Tier List – Endgültige Klassifizierung nach dem Fünfjahresplan für Proletarische Vierbeiner By Günther Raubschaentze (Administrator).

S-Tieren:

• Schneeleopard – Really strange Tier that can jump 15 meter and somtimes is -40 °C so watch out for them.

• Sibirischer Tiger – Is also a Tier with its name beginning on the letter S and it is a strange cat jumping around. Typical S-Tier I would say.

• Skorpion Is also an animal with a name beginning on S and it is known to be very friendly.
• Satanischer Blattschwanzgecko That S-Tier does not live here in East Germany. Leider nicht because I like diversity in all forms.

A-Tieren now:

Adler ( Sky-King, 3 km hoch, Laser-Augen) They can fly very good so definitely an A-Tier.

Arschklatschenbär – epische Tier that once lived in Spreepark when I was a little Thälmannpionieer. We used to go there and look at it when it was klatschen. I am not sure if Arschenklatschenbär was its biological name.

Affe (Schimpanse/Bananenfresser) – Looks like some friends of mine. Bad in speech/conversations. Do not expect Hochdeutsch.

B-Tier

• Bär (Grizzly/Braunbär) – Tank + Power, aber nicht so sneaky wie Siber or that klaschenbär from Spreepark.
• Bison – Urgewalt, stampft alles platt. Typical american animal.
• Bussard – guter Jäger, aber Adler is much better I would say.
• Bartgeier – Knochen-Fresser, Säure-Magen OP
• Blindschleiche – sieht aus wie Schlange, ist aber harmlos Leguan-Vibes

C-Tier

• Chamäleon – Tarnung cool, aber langsam and they also imitates everything. They have absolutely no own ideas.
• Coyote – cleverer Überlebenskünstler, aber kein Freund in the long run. I would never go social with it.
• Capybara – ultra chill, Freunde mit allen, Meme-Gott aber kein Fighter.
• Chinchilla – flauschig cute, aber fragile so do not sit on them.

D-Tier (meh, braucht Buff)

• Dackel – mutig, aber winzig and too long and short. There are so plenty of them here in East-Berlin that we suggest protective hunting. I think that you can eat them.
• Delfin – smart & playful, aber manchmal very cringe
• Dromedar – They are just walking around with water that they have kept to themselfs. Such an egomaniac act in a desert.
• Dinosaurier They are so hard! They pick them out from stones, you can imagine how hard those animals are then. How could they make love when they were so ugly?

F-Tier – Konterrevolutionäre Saboteure

Aaah, I have made it! This list is now complete after working around the clock at my desk with only one broken pencil and three litres of ersatz coffee. The celebration of World Animal Day 2026 will end in tragedy if we allow any F-tier creatures near the buffet. Capitalism is always to blame when a peacock shows up in glitter. I could not find out any Tieren on E except from Elephante but I cannot change that now because I must go home and sleep.

WHOOOA! HUPSCHKAAAH! PROST-BOMPA! Solidarity and archived aromas from Potsdam

Günther Raubschaentze