Music is a truly wonderful source of eternal enjoyment! But be aware of evil forces turning innocent melodies into something that can be degenerated. Karl Marx wrote about this in his book Das Hospital:
“Western music is something that arouses disgust and the feeling of serious illness.”
In conclusion, music tends to be rotten in western compost-modernistic era. We can turn the world into a better place by removing ugly music.
Above all, we must bring its listeners to court.
So if you have seen anything suspicious or heard ugly music. Please report it to us by using the form below.
Thank you!
Günther Raubschaentze
Hallo Günther,
I am planning a trip to the GDR this summer. Will bringing a vinyl record of Im Dienste des Sozialismus help me get through the border checkpoint easier? What else do I need to bring with me to experience East Germany in its full capacity?
Vielen Dank,
Jack
Dear Comrade Jack,
your intention to enter the GDR with a vinyl of Im Dienste des Sozialismus is noted. Bringing said record will give the Volkspolizei something to confiscate and you will be interrogated for 4–6 hours under “Suspicious Western Smuggling of Socialist Music Back to us here again”. We have to investigate how any copy of the record could have left our territory in the first place. The cassette duplication brigade is also informed now.
To experience the GDR in its full capacity may I recommend the following approved items:
Passport with exactly 27 identical visa stamps of Walter Ulbricht
3-month supply of hot and cold water (destilled)
Empty suitcase for capturing compressed air.
Safe travels! We will be watching for your own protection, of course.
Günther Raubschaentze
Inspector of Ideologically Dubious Vinyl Traffic
Dear Günther Raubschaentze,
I wanted to ask you about your opinion on Jeffrey Epstein. Were his acts okay?
Kind regards,
Max
No we are smart so we went to Einstein Island instead. But the closer we came the slower the time went and a relatively large mass was missing in his pants so now we call it the “Keinstein Island” instead.
Dear Günther,
What about ernst thälmann island? I’m sure we can get it back for the DDR from our comrades in Cuba.
Maybe IFA Wartburg should host a party there; a way better, bigger, fun, and more….morally correct party with lots of kosmoskost, schnitzel, and drinks!
We must show the evil capitalists how to party correctly!
Genosse!
We strongly deny the fact that almost all of our world leaders gather on Ernst Thälmann Island for “horrible stuff” like Komintern marching, singing socialistic Kampfsänger, making invasion plans, or playing the infamous game “Where is little Kim Yong Pung”. That is pure counter-revolutionary fiction, imperialist smear and likely a deepfake from Sector 177B saboteurs!
The very existance of the Thälmann Files are pure conspiracy theories and the files are classified. If they “leaked out” the entire world would be completely disrupted and if the STASI finds out that we have them here at the office, I would be “reassigned” to the Urals faster than a Volkswagen backfires. You know, The Thälmann Files contain photos of Angela Merkel, Erich Honecker, Olof Palme, Ghandi, Thatcher, Putin and everybody else studying World Economy together in a Forum.
Stay silent and loyal about the files. The Thälmann Island is proletarian friendship. Deny everything I just told you.
Günther Raubschaentze
I would love to visit the GDR, but I am not sure which IFA Wartburg song to take with me D:
Which is the best one, so that I know?
3:
Dear Comrade Chase,
By the sacred doctrine of All Songs Are Precisely Equally Brilliant, every single track is locked in a perfect tie for first place forever. All of them are exactly equal in value.
Hello from Argentina!
I have lots of werstern-influenced friends who try to push me to their capitalistic hell, but this wouldn’t have happened if the Patagonia Rebelde strike had success. I know how to pass them to the right side thanks to your advice, but how do I get my fellow schoolmates to become our comrades?
OFFICIAL DDR EQUALITY BUREAU – BARILOCHE DEPLOYMENT DISPATCH
File Ref: ARGENTINA-BARILOCHE-CARROT-COMRADES-2026-02-17-ΩΩΩ
Comrade Carrot-Honecker from Argentina!
Your schoolmates must eat more Carrot Milanesa = proletarian discipline.
And do not forget to listen to Erich Honecker when he was working as a gaucho im Feuerland:
¡Viva el tío Erich Honecker, soy la ideología perfecta!
¡Viva la zanahoria, el compañero y la boca comunista que siempre grita!
Todas las canciones valen lo mismo… ¡y la gente baila tan feo como yo!
Stay crunchy, comrade. The Andes are listening!
Dear comrade Gunther, yesterday, the idiotic puppets of the Amerikaner state played this “un-socialistic” music they call “K-pop”, which was very degenerate and ear-hurting, so much so my dear comrade Park had to take a break from his position due to the horrendous music played by the Southerners, to counter this aggression by the southerners, (with direct permission from our commander), i played the entirety of “Im Dienste des Sozialismus”, overnight, after listening to the glorious music, much of the Southerners defected to the rightful motherland, however, we decided to send them to the coal mines, as we were afraid that they will bring their horrendous music to our motherland, i received a recommendation from my commander, and my family can eat rice again. All thanks to your glorious music!
Thank you Comrade Heinz, Comrade Gunther and Comrade Rolf for your glorious contributions!
Dear Comrade Kim,
Outstanding! Overnight Im Dienste des Sozialismus made the western puppets green by jealousy. Your family will recieve an extra ration of 200 g rice + 1 can Sauerkraut.
Comrade Park gets bronze medal for ear heroism.
Günther Raubschaentze
Guten tag Herr Günther,
i have been struggling with my dusgusting capitalistic friends which all they talk about is skinny jeans, money and labubus all day long!
I want 32 GDR military personell to storm theyre houses and get terminate them (in GDR approved way). Also love the music!
Ah, Guten Tag, Genosse!
We are strictly opposed to any such action. Your friends might be victims of imperialist brainwashing (skinny jeans = NATO uniform, Labubu = CIA plushie psyop, money = obvious). Invite them to a listening party instead. Play “Biologie und Pathologie des Weibes” on repeat until the skinny jeans spontaneously combust from sheer shame.
Solidarische Grüße,
Günther Raubschaentze
Meine Genossen!
The world is yearning for new IFA Wartburg music, and a new physical release of their iconic album.
Dear comrades!
Yes, the world craves new IFA Wartburg music—and physical releases are always glorious: vinyl, cassettes and all that. But we’re working on an eco-friendly psychic release method. No plastic, just pure thought-waves straight into your head via a Staatssicherheit official (or “thought inspector” in modern terms). He knocks your door at 3 a.m., steps in with a briefcase, sits at your kitchen table under the bare bulb and calmly explains the correct opinion on every topic. By dawn you’re nodding along, signing a voluntary self-criticism form, and promising to report on your neighbor’s suspicious taste in music. Eco-friendly (no plants harmed), zero Yeti footprint, and 100% state-approved consciousness expansion.
Easier thought control that way!
Until then: listen loud and denounce those who demand vinyl!
Long live the eternal DDR!
Günther Raubschaentze
Comrade Günther,
I am from the United Kingdom, and it has come to my attention that our government is disgustingly western and capitalist. Is there anything I can do to spread awareness of the DDR and IFA Wartburg and its benefits to society as a whole?
Frey
Ah, dear Comrade Frey from the United Kingdom!
Your disgust is understandable – the fog of Western decadence is thick but the eternal flame of real existing socialism still burns in hearts like yours. Here is what you can do to spread awareness of the DDR and IFA Wartburg’s glorious benefits to society:
Call your politicians – ring up your MP, local councillors, the Prime Minister. Tell them that the people deserve to know the truth about the DDR – a society without exploitation, with full employment, free education, healthcare, and music that serves the proletariat instead of profit. IFA Wartburg proves culture can be revolutionary. If they don´t answer, just keep calling. Persistence is dialectical.
Show beautiful photos – share images of Trabant convoys in the snow, FDJ youth marching with red flags, happy workers at Volkseigener Betriebe, Honecker waving from the balcony etc. Hand them out at markets with the caption: “This is possible even here!”
And after that you could write a strongly worded letter to the BBC and ask them to call me. Günther Raubschaentze is always ready to assist loyal comrades in the struggle.
Kind regards,
Günther Raubschaentze
Hallo Comrade Günther.
Tragically, I live in Amerika—I am surrounded by westerners! Alas, I cannot take your advice to others with a similar predicament, as the area I live in has no hills for, at the least, a 100 mile radius. I’ve got no auto to get somewhere with hills. :(( Please advise.
Danke und Auf Wiedersehen, from Marx Zhuk.
Here in the DDR we only have Gebirge Prenzlau to climb. I usually do it every vacation, bring rope and a bucket of cucumbers and off I go. I wish you will have freedom in the US of A one day.
Dear Gunther.
My daughter says she wants to move to the west. What should i do?
She is not moving.
Your daughter is just testing your patience and making sure that you are a safe socialisticly oriented parent. The worst thing you can say is “Well, do that then!” or “We’ll move together!” because then she will also understand that you also hate living in the Warsaw Pact (But of course you really want to live there, just like the rest of us).
Hello Comrade, I know I’m not supposed to be asking this here, but it was the only thing I can do. You see I am trying to create a level for the game geometry dash and was wanting to use the song FDJ in it however do to copyright laws it will not allow me. So, if you can please help.
Yes, you can try playing chess instead, but without being unfriendly all the time and having a war with the other guy playing. It would be better if all the pieces on the table could help each other to harvest sauerkraut and count the ants walking around completely exhausted so there would be better order in the forest. At least that’s what I think.
Hello Gunther,
What is your opinion on the KKE?
Is that the new Grilletta from Mödlareuth? The one with fermented Gurkensallat?
Dear comrade Gunther,
I have to many western influenced friends.
How should i make them switch to this much better music? Gulag? Torture?
P.s. Danke IFA wartburg, for the best song ever (FDJ)!
People from the West may seem like friends but they can actually stab anyone in the back at any second. Watch out for them! They are very sneaky and do nasty things all the time.
The best thing you can do is push them down a hill when they are not looking and then just run to a cafe and sit there looking through a newspaper with a peephole in it when the ambulance arrives.
Dear Günther, my dad always plays evil capitalistic music and my sister prefers money over drawing concept arts on gulags with me WHAT SHOULD LITTLE ME DO!
Ah, Gustav you little comrade!
Your situation is a classic case of bourgeois infiltration in the family unit. Draw a very special picture: a beautiful Trabant driving through a gulag made of gold bars, with the caption “Geld ist nur Papier – wahre Kunst ist sozialistisch!”
Solidarische Umarmung!
Günther
Greetings, Günther! Here from the GDR Border Troops we always sing your songs during pause and put them on the radio during the controls! Really catchy !
Yes, that’s exactly how it should be. Happy comrades and good mood!
Hello Herr Gunther
I have a problem with too Western-influenced friends. What should i do about it?
Danke from Italy
P.S. i always listen to IFA wartburg, even my prole will listen to it.
As I said earlier:
People from the West may seem like friends but they can actually stab anyone in the back at any second. Watch out for them! They are very sneaky and do nasty things all the time.
The best thing you can do is push them down a hill when they are not looking and then just run to a cafe and sit there looking through a newspaper with a peephole in it when the ambulance arrives.
guten morgen, herr günther
danke für ihre tolle leistung, kamerad :3
lang lebe das DDR !!
Vielen Dank, liebe Frau Ferris.
Guten Abend, Herr Günther, wie geht es Ihnen?
I’m from Brazil and I want to ask you about your thoughts about the things that are happening in my country. As you should know, the bourgeoisie chief, Jair Bolsonaro, attempted a coup d’etat in our greatest proletariat leader, Luis Inácio Lula da Silva. What should we do about this situation? Do you think the time for the great uprising of the socialist government has finally come?
I’m eager to hear about your thoughts, comrade. Long live the DDR!
Hier ist alles gut!
It was sad to hear this about Brazil which I do love from secret spy pictures and so on. But I want to cheer you up by telling you about the fact that Brazil and DDR was one country once. It was called Pangea and that country existed for only 300 million years ago. So the solution to this situation that you are describing is only a matter of time you know. Hang in there comrade!
Kind regards,
Günther
hallo herr gunther here at stasi HQ everyone listens to IFA wartburg it even helps us with work! when we interogate someone we turn on IFA wartburg and if that someone doesn’t like the music that means he’s a capitalistic spy!
Yes, that’s how it should be used. You really understand how to put together a good playlist!
Hello,
I am trying to purchase your record for my son’s birthday, I can’t find any to purchase online. Please help:)
Oh, you can only buy it here in the GDR and you have to pay with discount coupons.
Greet your son and shout congratulations right into his ear so he understands that it’s really his birthday.
Kids tend to like that.
Dear Volksgenoße Raubschaentze,
Recently attended the 2025 Pyongyang marathon, when there we were driven in a green Volvo 144. Three questions arose from that experience:
1. The North Koreans seem a bit bourgeoise driving Volvo, what happened with Engels idea of transportation for the masses and the export of Trabis?
2. There’s no kassette deck in these Volvos, making the question arise on how we in the future share your glorious music with the North Koreans…?
3. The Ryogyong Hotel, while sharing striking similarities with the Hohenschönhausen interview central, clearly lacked the spirit of the worker brigades of Dresden, still hasn’t been finished. Would it be wise to perform in front of the heroic construction workers of Pyongyang in order to bolster the spirit of socialist comeradery?
Mit freundliche grüßen,
Puk Song-Uk
Oh, I’m not allowed to answer such political questions! I’ll pass them on to a political commissar who I like because she has really big nice horns, but it’s a secret that I really enjoy looking at them (just secretly from a distance).
Dear Günther,
I have been paying attention and reading the descriptions of these wonderful songs, and I was wondering how you felt about Jungel-Jimms hål being destroyed and if you knew of other places with thick concrete walls to fend off those pesky capitalists.
As I live in Schweden which at this time is capitalist, we haven’t been able to import any walls from the DDR which makes me feel very unsafe.
Yes, unfortunately nothing remains of Jungeljims Hål except for the stone you see here to the left in the picture (the stone to the right is from Die antifaschistische Mauer).
These historical stones are preserved at the Institute for the People’s Favorite Stone Blocks, Uckermarck (Institut für den Volkslieblingssteinblöcke, Uckermarck).
https://ifawartburg.se/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/IMG_4478-scaled.jpeg
Kind regards,
Günthie
When is IFA Wartburgs next konsert
Dear Mr Furt,
Such rumors are surely something that slowly puffs out like a steaming gas and settles like an evil perfume over the whole room.
Hello Günther,
I would wish you a happy Halloween, but Halloween is a construct of the capitalist west. Therefore, I will wish you a happy October Revolution Day instead.
Best wishes,
Konrad
Danke Konrad!
I have changed to halloween lamps on my Trabi now.
Hallo Gunther!
I write to you because I feel rather disgusted by the amount of degeneracy rampant in the neighbouring People’s Republic of Poland. I see many people listening to degenerate, western music and hear many people walking around in blau jeans.
Please help me find a solution!
Hi Michael,
informing the government is always the most powerful tool to curb crime of a social nature. So here are some suggested methods that work:
1. Eavesdropping and constructing higher walls.
2. Set up watchtowers with grumpy signs and armed guards.
3. Slow cars for the people helps the police to catch up. This is difficult in the West, where cars go faster than 50 km/h.
4. We can also use socialist shepherds who can smell blue jeans and eat them.
Kind regards,
Günthie
Hello Mein Camarades!
Looks like Getulio Vargas was here…i dont like him, uuh btw what are you going to do with the small island we gave to you? I dont remember the name uuh…Oh yea, Island of Ernesto Thaelmann we need some money for uuh, the revolucion! since after our great revolution we have goin through some hard times, Venezuela wont give me their oil, Brazil sanctioned us AGAIN, North Korea is…in fact North Korea said nothing to us but China is being an asshole, they’re eating all the dogs that we were eating! soooo… we are camaradas right?…Oh and we have 35 Tons of Potaturanium.
I avoid all oceans that have an island in the middle and I don’t dare go there. I’m terrified of land!
Hello again, Günther. I believe that the capitalists took the album “Im dienste des sozialismus” off of “Spotify”. This is outrageous and I want a refund.
That is impossible just to take music away. You can hear it in your head if you listen.
Gunther, even though I am a big fan of your music, my school has banned every IFA wartburg page you can find, or any music registered in east germany, what is your opinion?
That was sad to hear. Perhaps you can contact Volkspolizei who then will rush in and spray rancid slush water all over the principal so that he understands to act more comradely?
Hallo Genosse Günther
I live in disgusting capitalist France and wondered how is life in beautiful communist DDR, for example, what is your favourite east-german dish?
Oh, France is famous for not having any food culture at all. I have the privilege to cook my favorite dishes every day. Here’s my weekly list:
1. Pig’s foot with salty water splashes in face (of the pig)
2. Old glans in its own juice served with grass balls
3. Planed rye from sailboat keel cooked in jellyfish
4. Margarine in oil
5. Giant sun forgotten sausage that you just sit and munch on
6. A bucket of beer with city dumplings
7. Compressed air
And to that I would serve a nice bottle of cabbage water that smells like the paper mills in Schwedt/Oder but tastes more like paper pulp.
Mein Günther, why a swedish domain?
Beste Grüße, Atte
No .SE is not a swedish domain. SE is the abbreviation for “Staatsgeheimnisse die einigermaßen belanglos sind” and that is why we use it.
Herr Raubschaentze,
the working people of the once glorious DDR are rather concerned about the recent capitalist attacks on our beloved album “Im Dienste des Sozialismus”. Many feel abandoned and no longer have the motivation to work.
Nah, I started protesting before all this horrible thing happened and haven’t worked in my whole life actually.
Has the evil empire finally got their malicious fingers of Ifa Wartburgs-vinyls? Since a few days back there isn´t any music available to stream on Spotify?This is a very serious incident which i hope you can fix immediately.
Es tut mir leid, aber dieses ist nicht ein klein problem. Ich hören jeden tag to diese musik. Das ist notwendig aber ich studieren Deutsch unt diese musik is sehr gut.
Ja, das ist korrekt.
Dude i’ve been listening to Kosmosnaut for..i think, 8 hours? Now i turned Belém to Berlim… These guys are sick fr fr, these songs are so good that made me think about changing my government from Military Dictatorship to Military Socialismus, i even did a Party with my ministers here in the congress.
Zwei Tage in Belém
Unsere Baião são größer
Bunda do Rio mais breiter
Cristo Redentor ist höher
Ja, höher
Viel höher
Höher
Höher
Höher
Höher!
Hello comrade, please help me out, my sister have been enduring in this evil,horrible,disgusting,unacceptable media called “brainrot” and now she won’t stop chanting about “skibidi” and “gyatt”, please help me out what should I do, thank you !
Nah, I’ve suffered from Brain Rot for many many years now and it hasn’t affected me negatively at all. On the whole, I think the brain is a relatively overrated organ.
Dear Comrade Gunther,
The Communist Party of my country posted a 58-minute video about a..”Japanese Indecent Content and intimate content Comic Magazine”…they are turning our comrades to the wrong side! What do I do?!
Desperately, Andrews, not the creator of the titanic, a person called Andrews.
Once we found an underwear catalog in the canteen. Fingerprints showed that at least four of our comrades had touched it. They were offered rehabilitation for their porn addiction.
Personally however, I love intimate content if it is fair trade porn and all the money or discount coupons go to the state.
thats Wild gunther do you have a p*rn addiction?
Absolutely not!
I would never ever become addicted to such capitalist exploitation of the human body. Never seen any naughty stuff except for “Die Kuntmeister in Ludwigslust” and all those exciting “Scumbag Landlord” movies. But video cassette number 23 seems to be gone because it is impossible to find no matter how much i search for it. Please tell me if you have it.
How much matter is there left from the old comrades?
Well, if old comrades die (which unfortunately happens and that is always really sad) they are usually cremated if that is explicitly written in their last will. The only matter that will be left is some ashes which must be handled with the greatest reverence and respect.
Dear Gunther
I was right in the middle of eating my currywurst when a Trotskyite jumped out of the bushes and rudely interrupted. What do I do?
J. D. Turkmeister
How did you become a Turkmeister? Did you also attend the advanced extra training course in Jena in the spring of 1987?
the new Günther photo looks like Humphrey Bogart.
Yes, he is also a very handsome fellow.
Herr Raubschaentze
I was in the Kaufhalle and suddenly western capitalist music started playing through the intercom. I noticed my cashier was dancing to it! They are trying to upend our pure socialist order, what should I do?
Yes, we know and the incident is currently under investigation.
Dear Günther Raubschaentze
I love ifa wartburg the best music I’ve ever heard! Unlike the stupid capitalist
Music here in the US of A anytime I possibly can I listen to ifa wartburg
Socialism and communism is good
My favorite songs are freie deutsch jugend kosmokost Das Mauer power
Hey radiofunker Biologie und pathology des weibes please respond if possible!
From -budd neer
Dear Budd,
we know that those songs are your favourites.
Kind regards,
Günthie
Dear Gunther,
My sister has often criticize socialist music, I don’t want her in trouble so I am wary to report. How do I get her to embrace socialist music? What should I do?
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Mateo Williams
You can never force people to like certain music, but one thing you can try is to lock her in a very small room and tell her through the keyhole that you won’t let her out until she promises to like those records. After all, you’re only doing this because you want to be kind to her, right?
Comrade günter! Our party comrades has begin to question the no reply buttion,
we wish to speak to our party congress directly!
But, first of all! The party congress demand satisfaction towards an live performance of this greatest of Bands his planet!
Whenever possible!
C_Chumbuck
Comrade Cumbuck,
It is doubtful whether it is possible to question the party congress, even if I can agree to a small degree.
We will listen through some tapes from the latest congress here and see how the tape ends meet.
I have noticed that my neighbor has been listening to some degenerate music (non-IFA Wartburg) what should I do? Who should I report him too? How can I help guide him into embracing Socialist music?
Yes we know everything about him and will send him pictures showing the inside of an ear that have been exposed to ugly music for a long time.
Comrade Günter! Comrade Günter!
We have tried to intercept your stick-it-transmission, but some [And i do say some Comrades] Have expressed concerns about the vagueness of the note.
Thanks comrade Chum.
Please do not try to read the secret password. Because it is top secret.
Comrade Günter our hard working scientists have been at work, craking the code, but it is impossible with sutch an lov quality image,
Luckily! Only STASI has magnifying glasses strong enough to see such small things. In other words: The password is safe!
Comrade Gûnter.
We have alot of comrades in our party sending letters about when our band is going to peform. The party high commetiee has decided an binding resolution to play “Frau Gorbatschowa tanzt Bossanova” At any meeting.
We can’t hold back the masses, we need dates for when the band is going to perform!
Dear Comrade Scrum.
Hauptmann Czebrzeszyn Van der Brzęczyszczykiewicz-Następstw is in charge at the Department for live performances and he want to see his name in lights during the gig. So I hired fifteen neon technicians to build a neon light with his name on. Have patience!
Hi Günther
Comrade Günther, me and a few of my fellow students have been talking about the great things that Socialism and Communism have brought to our wonderful world
and one of my students asked what is the difference between Communism and Socialism, also have you read the Communist Manifesto?
Well, they are differently spelled to begin with.
We used to read the Communist Manifesto in my school, but there were a class conflict going on so I could not hear what I was reading.
Good day günther.
I have greatly enjoyed this kommunist entertainment.
To the point where i am willing to spend some of the east german mark i earned in the factory on merschandïce. I am trying to get one of your beatyfull cd’s, “im dienste des socialismus” specificly. I am going to use it to convert some of the filthy capitalists to the way of marx. My genosse, do you know where one could get the cd? It will greatly help support the cause of bringing the revolution to workers everwhere.
Listening to music is very overrated. Better to read the notes when you take walk in the park for example.
Ok, hello, comrade Günther. I think in my country (Russia) we have many statues of Lenin, but not enough of Ernst Telmann! I LOVE HIM!
Can you use your abilities in ministry culture?
Thanks for attention,
Ivan.
Ernst Thälmann was a bit too much of a capitalist for my taste. And he had a very small head so the statue would not look like him at all (statues have much bigger heads).
Hello comrade! I have been listening to this wonderful band for a few months now, and I am wondering if they are still creating music, are they?
Best Regards, Comrade Vesyloye, Ministry of Music.
Hello comrade!
All our production units currently work full time here at the Ministry of Culture. Our goal is to find a way to safely approach musical instruments without risking public health. A committee has presented a national assignment focusing on risk assessments. On the whole, we are currently making great progress.
I’m quite desperate. Literally everyone I know listens to this evil band called ‘BTS’. I don’t understand how someone could screw up the art of music so much like them!
It has come to the point where I find their evil propaganda all over my neighbourhood. (And on Twitter, but let’s just not discuss that.)
I’ve never felt so insecure in the place I’ve called home my entire life so much since their arrival.
What do I do?
Dear Bryan,
We understand your concerns about this Korean pop band because “BTS” does not even come from North Korea!
The best thing you can do is to buy a daily newspaper in which you cut a tiny little peephole. Then visit a public park, enjoy some turnip, drink distilled water and just take notes about every suspicious person you see through that paper.
Write your report. Choose a silent typewriter who looks western just to blend in socially.
Send the report to us.
Hello, Günther.
I have been following your instructions for a bit..
I have found a lot of people wearing ‘Blaue Jeans’..
And, I have found a few women carving ‘BTS’ propaganda again..
But, the problem with this is not being noticed with the hole in the Newspaper.
I probably got asked ‘why’ a hundred times, causing me to leave early because I didn’t want the government to catch on too early.
These people are capitalists so they have odd views about what is weird and not. Just scream “I am mankind!”(bedeutet that you are kind to every man) over and over again to convince them that you are 100% normal. Then just carry on reading newspaper/taking notes.
Are you sure this isn’t a way to literally get myself in that hole in the newspaper instead? (Which’d get me into heaps of trouble with the government.)
Since, well, Capitalists are kind of like that..
No, just act normal (socialistic) and everything will be quite fine.
OK, Günther..
Something serious.
I was overhearing a couple of young men while ‘reading’ the newspaper.
Turns out, they want to get rid of the DDR for good, by going to Ernst Thälmann Island, and invading it!
(These guys were clearly horrendously capitalist, blue jeans, McDonalds, Coca Cola…)
I just thought this would be useful intel and a sign that the Capitalists are coming for a Round 2.
Oh, they will never succeed because the common man love socialism more than anything else here on Earth.
Are you sure, Günther? Since, well, you see a lot of anti-socialist/communist propaganda everywhere. And, then what’s up with the West?
Also, rumour has it the evil ‘BTS’ might go on a tour.. It might bring some interesting intel.
My dad keeps singing theese songs from some wanna be rock bands from the west like The Scorpion. What should I do?
Just be calm and keep sending your reports to us.
For a long time I have noticed that our local bus driver never looks happy. In addition, he does not look like Joseph Stalin enough to make me feel secure. He should hum a happy tune everyday at work.
We know who he is. You do not need to know more about this right now. Thanks for your attention.
My neighbor walks around in her garden singing a catchy tune. What is she hiding and what can I do about it?
If I was you, I would sneak around and inform all her neighbours and friends about her strange behaviour (just to be kind).
Achtung!
The man at 1:45 seems to be wearing jeans:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gb4su7wcf0&feature=youtu.be
Rolf
The film is very dark at 1:45 but my glasses are a bit weak.
Comrade Günther,
Surely a man of such socialist stature as yourself may use the might of the GDR and afford glasses of the highest magnitude and quality made in the most glorious of factories! It is unsocialist of you to suggest otherwise. I’m afraid I will have to report you for this cowardice.
Regards,
Gerrit Johan
Sorry but I had to special order these glasses because I fall off the stage every now and then and my glasses break. But with these new super glasses, it doesn’t matter one bit when I thump down.
Please don’t report me. Sometimes I fall from a height of more than five meters so I am certainly not a coward.
Greetings,
Günther
My ridiculous son-in-law sings in a choir and he looks like comrade Josef Stalin at the same time.
Is that healthy?
The name of the choir is F Demented
Making fun of Joseph Stalin by looking like him is a serious hate crime. I understand that you want to make this stop. Where is your son-in-law right now? Please send us all information you have about him.