Music is a truly wonderful source of eternal enjoyment! But be aware of evil forces turning innocent melodies into something that can be degenerated. Karl Marx wrote about this in his book Das Hospital:
“Western music is something that arouses disgust and the feeling of serious illness.”
In conclusion, music tends to be rotten in western compost-modernistic era. We can turn the world into a better place by removing ugly music.
Above all, we must bring its listeners to court.
So if you have seen anything suspicious or heard ugly music. Please report it to us by using the form below.
Thank you!
Günther Raubschaentze
When is IFA Wartburgs next konsert
Dear Mr Furt,
Such rumors are surely something that slowly puffs out like a steaming gas and settles like an evil perfume over the whole room.
Hello Günther,
I would wish you a happy Halloween, but Halloween is a construct of the capitalist west. Therefore, I will wish you a happy October Revolution Day instead.
Best wishes,
Konrad
Danke Konrad!
I have changed to halloween lamps on my Trabi now.
Hallo Gunther!
I write to you because I feel rather disgusted by the amount of degeneracy rampant in the neighbouring People’s Republic of Poland. I see many people listening to degenerate, western music and hear many people walking around in blau jeans.
Please help me find a solution!
Hi Michael,
informing the government is always the most powerful tool to curb crime of a social nature. So here are some suggested methods that work:
1. Eavesdropping and constructing higher walls.
2. Set up watchtowers with grumpy signs and armed guards.
3. Slow cars for the people helps the police to catch up. This is difficult in the West, where cars go faster than 50 km/h.
4. We can also use socialist shepherds who can smell blue jeans and eat them.
Kind regards,
Günthie
Hello again, Günther. I believe that the capitalists took the album “Im dienste des sozialismus” off of “Spotify”. This is outrageous and I want a refund.
That is impossible just to take music away. You can hear it in your head if you listen.
Gunther, even though I am a big fan of your music, my school has banned every IFA wartburg page you can find, or any music registered in east germany, what is your opinion?
That was sad to hear. Perhaps you can contact Volkspolizei who then will rush in and spray rancid slush water all over the principal so that he understands to act more comradely?
Mein Günther, why a swedish domain?
Beste Grüße, Atte
No .SE is not a swedish domain. SE is the abbreviation for “Staatsgeheimnisse die einigermaßen belanglos sind” and that is why we use it.
Herr Raubschaentze,
the working people of the once glorious DDR are rather concerned about the recent capitalist attacks on our beloved album “Im Dienste des Sozialismus”. Many feel abandoned and no longer have the motivation to work.
Nah, I started protesting before all this horrible thing happened and haven’t worked in my whole life actually.
Has the evil empire finally got their malicious fingers of Ifa Wartburgs-vinyls? Since a few days back there isn´t any music available to stream on Spotify?This is a very serious incident which i hope you can fix immediately.
Es tut mir leid, aber dieses ist nicht ein klein problem. Ich hören jeden tag to diese musik. Das ist notwendig aber ich studieren Deutsch unt diese musik is sehr gut.
Ja, das ist korrekt.
Dude i’ve been listening to Kosmosnaut for..i think, 8 hours? Now i turned Belém to Berlim… These guys are sick fr fr, these songs are so good that made me think about changing my government from Military Dictatorship to Military Socialismus, i even did a Party with my ministers here in the congress.
Zwei Tage in Belém
Unsere Baião são größer
Bunda do Rio mais breiter
Cristo Redentor ist höher
Ja, höher
Viel höher
Höher
Höher
Höher
Höher!
Hello comrade, please help me out, my sister have been enduring in this evil,horrible,disgusting,unacceptable media called “brainrot” and now she won’t stop chanting about “skibidi” and “gyatt”, please help me out what should I do, thank you !
Nah, I’ve suffered from Brain Rot for many many years now and it hasn’t affected me negatively at all. On the whole, I think the brain is a relatively overrated organ.
Dear Comrade Gunther,
The Communist Party of my country posted a 58-minute video about a..”Japanese Indecent Content and intimate content Comic Magazine”…they are turning our comrades to the wrong side! What do I do?!
Desperately, Andrews, not the creator of the titanic, a person called Andrews.
Once we found an underwear catalog in the canteen. Fingerprints showed that at least four of our comrades had touched it. They were offered rehabilitation for their porn addiction.
Personally however, I love intimate content if it is fair trade porn and all the money or discount coupons go to the state.
thats Wild gunther do you have a p*rn addiction?
Absolutely not!
I would never ever become addicted to such capitalist exploitation of the human body. Never seen any naughty stuff except for “Die Kuntmeister in Ludwigslust” and all those exciting “Scumbag Landlord” movies. But video cassette number 23 seems to be gone because it is impossible to find no matter how much i search for it. Please tell me if you have it.
How much matter is there left from the old comrades?
Well, if old comrades die (which unfortunately happens and that is always really sad) they are usually cremated if that is explicitly written in their last will. The only matter that will be left is some ashes which must be handled with the greatest reverence and respect.
Dear Gunther
I was right in the middle of eating my currywurst when a Trotskyite jumped out of the bushes and rudely interrupted. What do I do?
J. D. Turkmeister
How did you become a Turkmeister? Did you also attend the advanced extra training course in Jena in the spring of 1987?
the new Günther photo looks like Humphrey Bogart.
Yes, he is also a very handsome fellow.
Herr Raubschaentze
I was in the Kaufhalle and suddenly western capitalist music started playing through the intercom. I noticed my cashier was dancing to it! They are trying to upend our pure socialist order, what should I do?
Yes, we know and the incident is currently under investigation.
Dear Günther Raubschaentze
I love ifa wartburg the best music I’ve ever heard! Unlike the stupid capitalist
Music here in the US of A anytime I possibly can I listen to ifa wartburg
Socialism and communism is good
My favorite songs are freie deutsch jugend kosmokost Das Mauer power
Hey radiofunker Biologie und pathology des weibes please respond if possible!
From -budd neer
Dear Budd,
we know that those songs are your favourites.
Kind regards,
Günthie
Dear Gunther,
My sister has often criticize socialist music, I don’t want her in trouble so I am wary to report. How do I get her to embrace socialist music? What should I do?
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Mateo Williams
You can never force people to like certain music, but one thing you can try is to lock her in a very small room and tell her through the keyhole that you won’t let her out until she promises to like those records. After all, you’re only doing this because you want to be kind to her, right?
Comrade günter! Our party comrades has begin to question the no reply buttion,
we wish to speak to our party congress directly!
But, first of all! The party congress demand satisfaction towards an live performance of this greatest of Bands his planet!
Whenever possible!
C_Chumbuck
Comrade Cumbuck,
It is doubtful whether it is possible to question the party congress, even if I can agree to a small degree.
We will listen through some tapes from the latest congress here and see how the tape ends meet.
I have noticed that my neighbor has been listening to some degenerate music (non-IFA Wartburg) what should I do? Who should I report him too? How can I help guide him into embracing Socialist music?
Yes we know everything about him and will send him pictures showing the inside of an ear that have been exposed to ugly music for a long time.
Comrade Günter! Comrade Günter!
We have tried to intercept your stick-it-transmission, but some [And i do say some Comrades] Have expressed concerns about the vagueness of the note.
Thanks comrade Chum.
Please do not try to read the secret password. Because it is top secret.
Comrade Günter our hard working scientists have been at work, craking the code, but it is impossible with sutch an lov quality image,
Luckily! Only STASI has magnifying glasses strong enough to see such small things. In other words: The password is safe!
Comrade Gûnter.
We have alot of comrades in our party sending letters about when our band is going to peform. The party high commetiee has decided an binding resolution to play “Frau Gorbatschowa tanzt Bossanova” At any meeting.
We can’t hold back the masses, we need dates for when the band is going to perform!
Dear Comrade Scrum.
Hauptmann Czebrzeszyn Van der Brzęczyszczykiewicz-Następstw is in charge at the Department for live performances and he want to see his name in lights during the gig. So I hired fifteen neon technicians to build a neon light with his name on. Have patience!
Good day günther.
I have greatly enjoyed this kommunist entertainment.
To the point where i am willing to spend some of the east german mark i earned in the factory on merschandïce. I am trying to get one of your beatyfull cd’s, “im dienste des socialismus” specificly. I am going to use it to convert some of the filthy capitalists to the way of marx. My genosse, do you know where one could get the cd? It will greatly help support the cause of bringing the revolution to workers everwhere.
Listening to music is very overrated. Better to read the notes when you take walk in the park for example.
Ok, hello, comrade Günther. I think in my country (Russia) we have many statues of Lenin, but not enough of Ernst Telmann! I LOVE HIM!
Can you use your abilities in ministry culture?
Thanks for attention,
Ivan.
Ernst Thälmann was a bit too much of a capitalist for my taste. And he had a very small head so the statue would not look like him at all (statues have much bigger heads).
Hello comrade! I have been listening to this wonderful band for a few months now, and I am wondering if they are still creating music, are they?
Best Regards, Comrade Vesyloye, Ministry of Music.
Hello comrade!
All our production units currently work full time here at the Ministry of Culture. Our goal is to find a way to safely approach musical instruments without risking public health. A committee has presented a national assignment focusing on risk assessments. On the whole, we are currently making great progress.
I’m quite desperate. Literally everyone I know listens to this evil band called ‘BTS’. I don’t understand how someone could screw up the art of music so much like them!
It has come to the point where I find their evil propaganda all over my neighbourhood. (And on Twitter, but let’s just not discuss that.)
I’ve never felt so insecure in the place I’ve called home my entire life so much since their arrival.
What do I do?
Dear Bryan,
We understand your concerns about this Korean pop band because “BTS” does not even come from North Korea!
The best thing you can do is to buy a daily newspaper in which you cut a tiny little peephole. Then visit a public park, enjoy some turnip, drink distilled water and just take notes about every suspicious person you see through that paper.
Write your report. Choose a silent typewriter who looks western just to blend in socially.
Send the report to us.
Hello, Günther.
I have been following your instructions for a bit..
I have found a lot of people wearing ‘Blaue Jeans’..
And, I have found a few women carving ‘BTS’ propaganda again..
But, the problem with this is not being noticed with the hole in the Newspaper.
I probably got asked ‘why’ a hundred times, causing me to leave early because I didn’t want the government to catch on too early.
These people are capitalists so they have odd views about what is weird and not. Just scream “I am mankind!”(bedeutet that you are kind to every man) over and over again to convince them that you are 100% normal. Then just carry on reading newspaper/taking notes.
Are you sure this isn’t a way to literally get myself in that hole in the newspaper instead? (Which’d get me into heaps of trouble with the government.)
Since, well, Capitalists are kind of like that..
No, just act normal (socialistic) and everything will be quite fine.
OK, Günther..
Something serious.
I was overhearing a couple of young men while ‘reading’ the newspaper.
Turns out, they want to get rid of the DDR for good, by going to Ernst Thälmann Island, and invading it!
(These guys were clearly horrendously capitalist, blue jeans, McDonalds, Coca Cola…)
I just thought this would be useful intel and a sign that the Capitalists are coming for a Round 2.
Oh, they will never succeed because the common man love socialism more than anything else here on Earth.
Are you sure, Günther? Since, well, you see a lot of anti-socialist/communist propaganda everywhere. And, then what’s up with the West?
Also, rumour has it the evil ‘BTS’ might go on a tour.. It might bring some interesting intel.
My dad keeps singing theese songs from some wanna be rock bands from the west like The Scorpion. What should I do?
Just be calm and keep sending your reports to us.
For a long time I have noticed that our local bus driver never looks happy. In addition, he does not look like Joseph Stalin enough to make me feel secure. He should hum a happy tune everyday at work.
We know who he is. You do not need to know more about this right now. Thanks for your attention.
My neighbor walks around in her garden singing a catchy tune. What is she hiding and what can I do about it?
If I was you, I would sneak around and inform all her neighbours and friends about her strange behaviour (just to be kind).
Achtung!
The man at 1:45 seems to be wearing jeans:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gb4su7wcf0&feature=youtu.be
Rolf
The film is very dark at 1:45 but my glasses are a bit weak.
Comrade Günther,
Surely a man of such socialist stature as yourself may use the might of the GDR and afford glasses of the highest magnitude and quality made in the most glorious of factories! It is unsocialist of you to suggest otherwise. I’m afraid I will have to report you for this cowardice.
Regards,
Gerrit Johan
Sorry but I had to special order these glasses because I fall off the stage every now and then and my glasses break. But with these new super glasses, it doesn’t matter one bit when I thump down.
Please don’t report me. Sometimes I fall from a height of more than five meters so I am certainly not a coward.
Greetings,
Günther
My ridiculous son-in-law sings in a choir and he looks like comrade Josef Stalin at the same time.
Is that healthy?
The name of the choir is F Demented
Making fun of Joseph Stalin by looking like him is a serious hate crime. I understand that you want to make this stop. Where is your son-in-law right now? Please send us all information you have about him.