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More information regarding the applauding bear at Spreepark.

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Hello again people of the civilized world! There have been so many questions about this Tier list that I published quite recently. You people out there have asked me about that A-Tier at Spreepark and I actually found an old photo of it. I took this photo when I was a Thälmannpionieer and here you can see the Arschklatschenbär (but is not klatschen on this picture because we were a bit shy and did not want to embarrass it):

Now you might think that this was just another bear living in a cage at a zoo but that is not true. I started to investigate this matter and what I will tell you now will send a burst of anxiety-driven reflections to our animal friends out there.

Not all bears are real bears.

This bear was actually working as an informant at Spreepark from 1969 until 1990 when he retired to a little shelter for former spies.

Here are some random notes taken by the Spreepark bear:

July 15, 1975 – Report No. 4567

“Around 2:30 p.m., I observed a family of four from Halle. The child (male, approximately 7 years old) dropped an entire scoop of ice cream (strawberry flavor, state-owned) on the ground. The mother laughed instead of scolding him. Suspicion of inadequate socialist upbringing and deliberate waste of public funds. No risk of escape was identified.”

August 22, 1982 – Report No. 7892

“A group of six adults (presumably from the state-owned enterprise ‘Red October’) consumed a total of 14 bottles of beer between 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.” During the conversation, anti-socialist expressions like “damn shit” and “that’s disgusting” were used several times. One participant called Spreepark “too small for the whole of East Germany.” A hostile and negative attitude and possible influence from West German television were suspected.

June 9, 1987 – Report No. 10234

“Two teenagers (approximately 14 and 15 years old) deliberately threw ice cream wrappers into the Spreepark lake. They were listening to music from a cassette player (presumably a West German import). They used expressions like ‘shitty East Germany.’ The informant approached them under the pretext of performing a bear dance and was able to note the license plate number of their bicycle. Recommendation: Initiate an operational investigation.”

So now you know everything about this comrade bear.

Kind regards,

Günther Raubschaentze

Huge computer problems solved.

Oh mein Gott, there have been so many administrative problems here at the department lately. Almost all work has been at a standstill for several months due to a gigantic computer problem. Data experts have been fighting like animals around a clock to find a solution. Everyone is now dead tired and just wants to go home for a long sleep.

But this morning something amazing happened. I was in the dining room eating cucumber and margarine when Bärbel from department D34 came by. She noticed that I had a yellow paper stuck to my gluteal muscle.

We examined it together (the note) and realized that the super secret password to this website was written on that note. I blushed when I realized I had been sitting on it for two months. Cheers and thanks for helping us with the computer problem, Bärbel!

Other things going on right now is that we've hired a sound engineer and he's now trying to get all those tape reels spinning.

Da haben ja wir den Salat! Please do not show the password written on it because it is top secret.

Experiencing the Mauer Power

I am worried about what Ronald Trump is up to right now.  He wants to build a wall around the US of A. That is a bad thing I would say. We East-Germans know a lot about that because we invented the Wall. 

We call it Mauer Power.

It is a powerful method to make a society more happy by stopping people from eating hamburgers, wearing blue-jeans, driving bad western cars, smuggling banana ice-cream etc. Refugees from the West are desperate to get in to us here in East Germany. Because of that we had to build our Wall in 1961. That helped us a lot. It fenced out everything that was bad in life. 

But Ronald Trump has a completely wrong approach to walls. He wants to stop the american people from leaving US of A.

That is not good.

I know that he will lose this battle against his own people.

Here is a song about the power of a Wall.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest