Watch out for an odd guy wearing a silly hat.

We have a problem with a guy saying that IFA Wartburg is a Swedish orchestra. Nothing in this is true because IFA Wartburg was created by the government in the DDR and I know everything about the entire organisation behind this group.

The real story is that an odd guy from Sweden smuggled a bag full of Swedish books into us here in the DDR. But his coup failed completely and of course our government took care of that piece of garbage and send the poor guy back home to his mother in Sweden.

We will warn you all about him because he is angry and wants desperately to be in the band. We have told him no several times and that he’d better stay at his mothers house for his own good.

Here you can see two pages of a horrible German grammar book full of stolen IFA Wartburg lyrics.

Zwei Tage in Berlin is a famous IFA Wartburg song.

Experiencing the Mauer Power

I am worried about what Ronald Trump is up to right now.  He wants to build a wall around the US of A. That is a bad thing I would say. We East-Germans know a lot about that because we invented the Wall. 

We call it Mauer Power.

It is a powerful method to make a society more happy by stopping people from eating hamburgers, wearing blue-jeans, driving bad western cars, smuggling banana ice-cream etc. Refugees from the West are desperate to get in to us here in East Germany. Because of that we had to build our Wall in 1961. That helped us a lot. It fenced out everything that was bad in life. 

But Ronald Trump has a completely wrong approach to walls. He wants to stop the american people from leaving US of A.

That is not good.

I know that he will lose this battle against his own people.

Here is a song about the power of a Wall.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

 

What a wonderful World we almost made!

This morning i felt a bit sad because today it is exactly 60 years since the Operation Groza (Thunderstorm) should have taken place.

Operation Groza was an invasion plan made by Comrade Stalin. The idea was to turn the entire Europe into a gigantic communistic paradise. Every single piece of land from the French coast down to the Japanese Sea would have been under our control.

But that son of a schädel-bitten guy Adolf Hitler came by and destroyed our plan. We only managed to take Berlin.

A similar thing happened Spain in 1937. Our comrades wanted the Spanish people to be comrades but a clown named Franco came by and stopped the entire event.

I get a bit sad when I think about the fact that Stalin only wanted to give the people of Europe complete freedom in a socialistic way.

What a wonderful world we almost made!

A Golden Communist

A golden communist

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

My first advertising campaign

Aaah, I have made it!

I have been working around the clock here at my desk at the IFA Wartburg office in Potsdam, struggling hard with copywriting and graphic design.

Luckily my new Robotron computer is a big help.

I have also been looking for suitable western newspapers to put the ad in. It is very difficult to find the right media when there are more than one media out there.

It´s much more easy to advertise in DDR.

Finally I decided to go for an advertising campaign in the music magazine Persona Non Grata:

nongrata

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

Der Berliner

Oh no!

The evil forces of the West have stolen material from IFA Wartburg again!

Now in this German grammar book from Sweden named Deutsch Aktuell. It is filled with lyrics written by the IFA Wartburg.

Look! It is horrible.

deutschaktuell4 copy

And after that you can listen to the wonderful song with the same name:

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

The best day of my life!

This day is a very special day for all of us here at VEB Potsdam Music. We have been singing and dancing and celebrating the entire day. The reason for our joy is that something quite amazing have happened. The newspaper Ruhr Nachrichten just reported that The song Agrarwissenschat Im Dienste des Sozialismus have reached number seven at the charts!

That is really amazing because I am the person who drives the tractor that can be heard at the end of the song. I’m overjoyed by the fact that I have participated in the making of this huge success. It is like beeing in the middle of a hurricane of love, actually.

It´s going to be difficult to sleep tonight. I might have to go to Tanzhalle Moskau for some Vodka and cucumber sandwiches.

WHOOOA! HUPSCHKAAAH!

PROST-BOMPA!

agraronthetracks

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

Suspected CS-Outbreak at the Open Ohr Festival 1999

IFA Wartburg is one of the bands performing at the Open Ohr Festival in 1999. A great festival!

But I got a strange feeling that something was not alright. I don´t know why, but I have a supernatural ability to feel things like that.

When we came to the backstage area, Heinz was really tired. I did not mind very much about that, such things are common during long journeys. He had a jet lag after going by train from Düsseldorf down to Mainz which is at least 80 kilometers.

But then he started to act very strange. First he admitted that he had been eating a hamburger at Mc Donald´s and after that he said that he liked Star Gin more than Stalin!

I looked into Heinz blurry eyes. Something was severely wrong with him. A doctor rushed in and started to perform som medical tests on Heinz.

I suspect that Heinz was struck by the Capitalistic Syndrome (CS) after eating that capitalistic hamburger. We are only allowed to eat Ketwurst or Grillettas.

kukdomspaper

The concert was great anyway and IFA Wartburg performed as wonderful as always. You can listen to the songs here:

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

IFA Wartburg and Die Welt

Heinz Klinger and Rolf Kempinski met the journalist Michael Pilz from Die Welt after the IFA Wartburg performance at The Treptower Glashaus in Berlin 1/4 1999.

Die Welt is a newspaper that reaches around 300.000 readers in West Germany.

We East Germans have noticed how people in the west tends to get more socialistic when it comes to music.

To make everything as nice and socialistic as possible, we served our standardized stage buffet consisting of radish and cabbage and a lot of distilled water for all the thirsty comrades in the audience.

Thanks, Die Welt

diewelt

Songs played during this concert:

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

Space and Food are two different things

We all know how hard it is to be outspoken about space and food. Sometimes it feels like an invisible elephant is standing in the middle of the room seeking for your fruit bowl.

To put it quite blunt: Space and food are two different topics. Still we have problems to discuss this matter in an honest way.

So what my work has been evolving around the last weeks is how to communicate this as clear as possible and how to tell people about this in such a way that they don´t get offended and run away.

What I came up with, is this diagram that shows the wheel of food together with our mother Earth surrounded by Sigmund Jähn flying by in a spaceship. They are both flying around in space having food on board but the earth is round.

This feels like a great beginning of a new era.

Here is the diagram:

oh8

And here is the song Kosmoskost:

And here one more time:

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest

And here is the song Kosmoskost.