Creating the perfect live show

Tomorrow is the day when IFA Wartburg will perform live at Easy Schorre in Halle. The show is called Akte Rock and the TV-channel Mitteldeutscher Rundfunk (MDR) will be there, so I have to start planning the scene show now.

I understand that the backstage rider is the holy grail for every rock band. Without a perfect backstage rider the band will start to complain and use ugly words.

But a concert means nothing unless people actually enjoys the show. It is impossible to do a tour unless you know exactly how you’re going to get the crowd really wild. I want to create that dangerous and wild rock atmosphere that makes you feel creepy.

To find out what really makes a show tick, I started to analyze one thousand of the most successful live performances made by our genius socialist leader and live performer Erich Honecker.

This is what I came up with for the IFA Wartburg Live Show in Halle:

1.  Slipovers
2. A pointed stick
3. The overhead projector and important overhead pictures
4. Sunglasses
5. Maracas in yellow plastic
6. A sausage
7. Cabbage
8. Distilled water

konsertutrustning

This will be one hell of a show!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
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IFA Wartburg in Eulenspiegel Magazine

Today, I saw this little ad for our newly released IFA Wartburg album “Im Dienste des Sozialismus”.

The ad is published in the satire magazine Eulenspiegel which is the biggest provider of German jokes in the world.

The magazine has a circulation of around 140,000 which clearly proves that even West germans have a good sense of humor.

annons

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Is IFA Wartburg a crazy orchestra?

This journalist at the magazine Revelation listened to the IFA Wartburg record but he got the impression that IFA Wartburg was lead by two crazy musicians. Heinz and Rolf sent a Doctor’s certificate from their medical examinations to convince this journalist about their amazing medical status. But that was not enough to change the article.

recension

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Cabinet Nightflight writes about IFA Wartburg

The music magazine Cabinet Nightflight just wrote an article about IFA Wartburg. This is a good magazine because it´s based in the eastern part of Germany and writes a lot about what´s going on in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, Berlin/Brandenburg, Thüringen, Sachsen-Anhalt and Sachsen.

In my opinion, they should put more effort in writing about peas, how to design agricultural policies or when workers at a steel mill can start a comrades choir and things like that, but nothing is 100% perfect here in life as we all know.

nightflight

 

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The famous Katja Preissner interview

“Do you know what, boys?” Katja said. “From Vladivostok to Berlin-Marzahn, people are dancing to songs like Frau Gorbatschowa tanzt Bossanova, Es ist nicht so schlimm auf der Insel Krim, Zur Konferenz in Rostock, Der alte böse Kapitalismus or Hallo, guter Kommunist!”

We were quite chocked when we heard this from her, even if STASI had informed us about the same thing one month earlier.

Katja is a journalist from Saarbrücken, writing for a magazine called Hinternet. If she knows that much about IFA Wartburg it must mean that our records have spread deep into the west and at a much faster rate than we ever dared to hope for.

“Please, Heinz and Rolf. Let me make an interview with you, before you disappear into incredible fame!”

Of course, said Heinz and Rolf. You can read the interview here:

hinternet

 

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A sad day at The Gorbyland Studios

Today we got a final answer from Staffan Hellstrand at the Swedish Record company Sonet Music AB. It was completely devastating to read the letter:

Sonet Music AB want to give out our record but they might be a bit scared or shy.

Sonet Music AB know that this will become a huge hit and earn them a lot of money. They just don´t understand that our image is against making money.

Capitalism = Kaputtalism

The good thing with this letter is that Staffan want us to send more material. I am going to send him hundred more copies of the same cassette tomorrow.

hellstrand2

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Dirt everywhere after Pink Floyd Live performance

Today I have to complain about a thing that have bothered me the whole night. The reason is this british pop band called Pink Floyd who played here in East Berlin yesterday.

The show was called “The Wall” and Roger Waters (the guy who the british government ordered to make the show) said to us that he wanted to honor our anti-capitalistic wall. Roger seemed to be a nice guy so I trusted him to begin with. But now I understand that I should have known better.

He asked us to remove our wall to give him space for his show, right at the old Potsdamer Platz. So we removed our wall to make him happy.

But after that, he started to build his own wall!

When his show started, Roger was drunk and his gang singed the most terrible and degenerated songs about violence, hate against the government and uncontrolled beer drinking. I was quite shocked by the whole scenario and went home and wrote a letter to the Volkspolizei.

The next day I visited the place again. I wanted to talk to this guy Roger Waters and force him to explain his weird behavior. But he was gone. The only thing left was litter and debris, empty bottles and other disgusting things.

So, please Roger. Come back here and take up the dirt! The same goes for your beer drinking friends Scorpions, Cyndi Lauper, Skin Head O´Connor and several more.

My conclusion: Never trust an englishman!

IFA Wartburg has a much better song about our anti capitalistic wall and you must listen to it here: IFA Wartburg Das Mauer Power

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
guntherbannersmallest
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The Big Schabowski

Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-1989-1109-030,_Berlin,_Schabowski_auf_Pressekonferenz

Something really nasty happened today. My comrade Günter Schabowski made an error at a press conference which gave West Germans the possibility to cross the border to us here in the East. But this was just a joke that we used to laugh around about. So, now we have to deal with all these Mercedes cars and Coca Cola drinkers in our city. We have informed the border guards abut it.

This is how Schabowski is. A very nice fellow, a bit crazy sometimes. There is nothing sinister about him at all. But his mouth just seems to slip a bit sometimes, he can shout things out aloud at press conferences and regret it one second later.

Well, I still love our “Günther, The Destroyer of Walls” as we call him from now on. He will always be my best friend.

You can see the film about the event here.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
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